


Come Back Home

by MerySim



Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically the boys don't treat Jimin well and they should feel bad, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Chapter 4 tags, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, End of Chapter 4 tags, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fix-It, Fluff, Gay, Hurt Jimin, Hurt/Comfort, I need angst to write, ISAC 2017, Insecurity, M/M, Neglect, Semi-Public Sex, THAT PART ISN'T CANON IT's ANGST, WINGS Era (BTS), i don't know how to tag, supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-10-19 07:36:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17597060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerySim/pseuds/MerySim
Summary: "When you left- When you left, all I could think about was running out our door looking for you. I could only think about whether or not you were safe and how badly we all fucked up. But I also knew that running to you would make it worse and that's what was worst. Knowing that we couldn't fix it. That we couldn't be there for you" Yoongi spoke, his voice wavering."Why didn't you care before I left?" Jimin spoke quietly."I did. Just not in the way you needed. I didn't give you back the same effort or energy but I'm doing that now. I will do it now. We'll fix this"~~~~~~~Jimin is always there for his friends. Bangtan comes to realize that they didn't do the same for Jimin when he spends their break with a friend after he snaps.~~~~~~~Adding tags as I go





	1. He Snaps

He had snapped  
  
Jimin, the forever patient, doting, loving angel, had snapped.  
  
He spent years, _years_ feeling less and belittled and felt no return of the care he gave into the group and so he snapped.  
  
The breaking point wasn't really all that clear to him, it had built up and it was a slow tip after one night after a show he was receiving feedback from their leader.  
  
_"Jimin what the hell was going through your head during the choreo? You're always perfect what gives? "  
  
"Sorry hyung... I'll try harder ..."  
  
"Trying isn't enough Jimin! We have to be consistent! "  
  
"Sorry hyung... "  
  
"Jimin I think you need to put more practice in. "  
  
He simply nodded and walked away, foolishly hoping someone would come to comfort him. Instead? All he got were complaints that he was pulling down the atmosphere._  
  
He'd spent that night unable to sleep and unable to cry, imprisoned by the thoughts that he would never be worthy of BTS which would later morph into the idea that they simply did not care. They purposefully cut him out of their lives unless they needed comfort or guidance. Though they never held back critiques. He convinced himself that this was okay though, while the other members did nothing else, at least he could use their scathing words to improve.  
  
After that night he snapped. He can't pin down the exact moment but he can trace the last of his patience to that day.  
  
It's been weeks, nearly 2 months, and the other members were piling on his nerves. They had been extra clingy. He understood that there had to be some contact, fan service and whatever, but it was more than in the past and they had been doing better than ever. While that had felt nice at first it had become a burden. He felt the stings of their criticisms more harshly and then had to hide just how much he was growing to resent the other members for his unfair treatment. The worst of recent events had been Seokjin admitting that the other members thought he was a pig in front of cameras and staff for their upcoming BTS run series.  
  
But that was nothing compared to today.  
  
  
  
  
  
They had arrived at ISAC way too early and Jimin had trouble sleeping the previous night. He was in a terrible mood and was easily irritable and just wanted the day to be done when Jin came up behind him trying to get him to play.  
  
"Jimin-ahh, get up and let's do something." He whined  
  
"No, hyung I'm tired... "  
  
"Yah, get upppp" he whined and before Jimin knew the elder was trying to physically lift him off the ground.  
  
"Wait, hyung" but it was no use.  
  
He tried to not seem mad and irritable especially since they were out in public being filmed from all sides, but when Jin pulled his shoe off and tossed it to him hitting him with both odour and the shoe itself he had enough. He picked up the shoe and tossed it to the side farther from his hyung.  
  
"Yah Park Jimin, " Jin hissed before running off to get it. He returned a second later trying to shove the shoe back on when Taehyung accidentally hit it off the eldest's foot.  
  
"Ah sorry hyung. " Taehyung spoke Jin barely nodding before Jimin decided to grab the shoe again and toss it. He didn't want Jin to be there right now if he was just going to be a pain.  
  
"Yah Park Jimin!! " he burst before ripping off his second shoe and tossing it down. Jimin tried not to flinch, laughing to cover up the dread and annoyance he felt.  
  
Then Taehyung had the amazing idea of piling on and grabbed the second shoe and tossed it away as well.  
  
"Park Jimin. Go get them back! " Jin snapped swatting at Jimin's shoulder. When he didn't answer Jin continued "listen to your elder and go get it back... Don't be a brat..."  
  
"No Taehyung threw too ask him. "  
  
"Taehyung-ah go then! "  
  
"Jimin started it. "  
  
"I don't care which one of you does but you're going to get up! " he said moving to try to lift the pair of them.  
  
"Just leave me alone hyung. " Jimin snapped, a moment later relieved when Jin moved to pick up only Taehyung.  
  
A moment later he returned but Jimin largely ignored the rest of the group until later that day. Taehyung tried to get him to play, ended with Taehyung pushing him to the ground, then pretending to punch him in the face for kicking away a water bottle, then in his own pettiness he threw the bottle again and Taehyung, who is younger than him, pushed him onto his stomach and spanked him in public. Of course, Jimin being angry didn't stop there and threw the water bottle away again and found himself again being manhandled by the younger. This time Jimin felt his ankle twist awkwardly. Grimacing he tried to get Taehyung to leave him be and eventually succeeded finally isolating himself to interact with other groups.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next break they had Jimin spent all of his free time in private studios or in his room if Hoseok was out. This pattern continued until one day when he came home and Namjoon and Seokjin were waiting for him.  
  
He slowly walked into their living room quietly trying to slip past the pair.  
  
"Jimin-ah come her for a minute? " Namjoon called, halting Jimin's movements.  
  
"Can it wait, hyung? I'm really tired" Jimin asked hopefully.  
  
"No, it can't. Come sit"  
  
"What's this all about? "  
  
"Well, it's about you being in the group... "  
  
"What? I'm doing my part! I'm practicing 24/7! What am I doing wrong?! "  
  
"You've been really distant from the group Jimin, it doesn't have to do with your performance, it's about the dynamic. "  
  
"What do you mean? "  
  
"You've been lashing out at the members recently and ignoring and avoiding us. We all talked and agreed that I and Joon-ah should talk to you."  
  
"You all talked about me behind my back?! "  
  
"It's not like that Jimin, we wa-"  
  
"No hyung it is like that! I know how you all feel about me. I know you guys only care about me and how I affect the group. But I'm doing my part in public alright? "  
  
"Jimin-ah we all care about you what are you saying? "  
  
"Then why do you all constantly pick at me? At my insecurities that you all know? You use my doubts about my body image to win games for food when we're making more than enough money to just buy some more later."  
  
"Jimin we-"  
  
"I'm not done. You don't respect my personal space ever. I would put so much effort into taking care of all of you, even my hyungs and I only ever got teasing back. I'm always the one to comfort the other members but never do I get the same in return. Half of the time when I'm in a bad mood you guys embarrass me in front of the fans instead of asking me what's wrong, like at ISAC, when you all are so careful with Yoongi-hyung."  
  
"Jiminie, I didn't-  
  
"I try so hard to learn and perfect our songs and choreo and I'm never recognized for it. I practice 80 hours a week on our slower weeks and not once has anyone mentioned it. But then you turn around and see Hobi practicing for 60 and you guys tell him he needs to rest too and send him home. You see Jungkook mess up on stage and you're gentle with him but with me, I get yelled at and told to practice more. If you really do care you have a really backwards way of showing it. "  
  
"Jimin... We... We didn't "  
  
"No, you didn't. You didn't think and you didn't care to. And I'm learning to be fine with that. But it's not my job to keep up the dyNamic here. You guys can figure out how you're going to treat me and I'm doing fine while we out in public. Just don't put it on me. I tried for years. "  
  
Jimin didn't stay to hear what Jin and Namjoon had to say, instead, he stormed off to his room grabbing a bag and throwing a few shirts into a bag with a pair of sweatpants, enough for pyjamas and practice clothes.  
  
He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his groupchats to find his non-bts Idol groupchat before shooting off a quick message. _Had fight with members, anyone in town I can crash with?_  
  
He grabbed his toothbrush quickly and tossed it in the bag with some other spare toiletries before he felt a buzz from his pocket.  
  
_Lanky boy: I'm around, a few rooms in the dorm are open too, hyungs are fine with it too._  
  
Kim Jongin: a lifesaver.  
  
Jimin zipped up his bag and walked back out to the living room. Namjoon and Seokjin stood up as he entered the room.  
  
"I'm going to a friend's for the night. I'll text Sejin-hyung the address on the way. I don't have any schedules for a few days and the friend is an idol so I can borrow their practice studios. "  
  
"Which friend? " Namjoon asked concerned.  
  
"I didn't say for a reason hyung. I need space. And like I said earlier you guys never give that to me. Sejin hyung will know where I am. " Jimin spoke sharply. "Feel free to tell the others what I said. Not like you would've kept it to yourselves though."  
  
Again, Jimin didn't wait for his hyungs to speak before he walked out of their front door. He quickly hailed a cab and gave the address to both the driver and to Sejin by text.  
  
When he arrived at the building with the EXO dorms, Jongin was waiting for him, his arms open, inviting Jimin into a hug. Jimin felt himself rush forward into the embrace, pressing his face into the older's neck.  
  
"Hey, kiddo. " Jongin chuckled softly.  
  
"I'm one year different hyung... "  
  
"You're younger so therefore kid. One day younger? Kid. Two seconds? Also a kid. "  
  
Jimin laughed slightly at that before pulling back. "Can we go inside? "  
  
"Yea of course. " he smiled before leading him in. "You're welcome to my room or if you want a few of the members are at solo schedules so you could have your own bed? "  
  
"No, I... I want company" Jimin says sheepishly while they wait for the elevator to bring them to their floor.  
  
"Alright, Jiminie" Jongin smiled softly before it turned wicked. "There's more tea about ChanBaek."  
  
"Oh my god you have to tell me! " he grinned, starting to relax finally.  
  
"I saw Baek-hyung sitting in his room... Watching Chanyeol fancams. So, of course, I decide to see what exactly the video is when... "  
  
"When what?? "  
  
"It cuts to a different performance. So I'm of course confused for a moment until I realize. "  
  
"What?  
  
What?? "  
  
"He's watching a Chanyeol sexy moments video!"  
  
"Oh my god and he says he doesn't like him?? "  
  
"Right? Now Chanyeol-hyung isn't here because he has solo schedule, so I think he misses him. "  
  
"Ah, adorable! "  
  
"Totally! " he says as the doors open to their floor. "So I knock on his door lightly and he jumps so high, quickly pauses, then realizes it paused on a hip thrust and turns absolutely red. "  
  
"Oh my god, poor Baekie-hyung".  
  
"And he goes all like "what's up" his voice shaking slightly still red as a tomato. So I say "I miss hyung" mind you I didn't say which. And he says "Channie has been calling every so often to check in, you should talk to him next time" and I nod. But get this. I talk to Suho hyung to see if he has any updates from Chanyeol hyung. He says "I haven't heard from him since he left, I assume he's busy"  
  
"No way, so Chanyeol hyung has been calling Baekhyun-hyung and  
  
one else?"  
  
"Yup! These two idiots are so gone for each other and with everything else I swear if they don't realize their feelings I'm going to put them in a room and lock them in together. "  
  
"Wish I had at least some bandmates who cared about me though, " he whispered as they walked through the front door.  
  
"You want to talk about it? I'm assuming this came from the fight? "  
  
"Yea kinda. But it was more than the fight. I... Bangtan treats me like I'm disposable at least to them personally but want me to do all this work to keep the group together. "  
  
Jongin looked at Jimin sympathetically before dragging him to his bedroom.  
  
"You wanna tell me more? " He said pulling Jimin to settle sitting on the bed.  
  
"Is that alright? I don't want to be even more of a burden... "  
  
"Of course it is. I care about you, or else I wouldn't have brought you here. "  
  
"You're sure? "  
  
"100% yes. "  
  
"Well basically... Today Jin-hyung and Namjoon-hyung were waiting for me to come home from practice and they were telling me I was throwing off the group dynamic and I needed to work harder. "  
  
"What? You're like the glue that keeps all of them from breaking down! "  
  
"Right?! And like I had been pulling away because none of them ever do the same for me. Like, remember at ISAC? How shitty I was feeling? "  
  
"Of course. Chanyeol-hyung was a bit worried about you. He said you seemed really off. "  
  
"That was because of them. A few days before we were filming for our next run series. While we were filming we were playing the I See game. The prizes were literally just food. And so I'm against Jin-hyung, and the first things we say were basic small things like we laid in each other's beds without changing or with dirty hair. Then he pulls out the height thing. "  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yea he goes "Jimin I don't ever say it but you're really short" and so I have to just stay quiet so I throw back that his legs are short because we all know that and we have measurements from recently and everything. But then he goes straight to saying I'm a Pig. Literally. "  
  
"What the hell? "  
  
"Yea he says "Jimin you always ask, oh did I put on weight, and I don't say this because I don't want to hurt your feelings but I want to say "Yes you're like a pig! """  
  
"So he literally says he knows this will hurt you and says the thing to win some food? "  
  
"Yes and so he won and I was in a bad mood for a week. And since it was Jin, I was just done when he was trying to physically pick me up at Isac and then threw his shoe off at me so I threw it away. And he got mad and just yelled at me. He went from Jimin entertain me to Jimin you're being annoying I'm angry at you. But I swear if it had been Taehyung or Jungkook then he would've crouched down and asked what was wrong and why they were lashing out. "  
  
"Wow and he says you're not putting effort into your relationship? "  
  
"Exactly. But ISAC bull doesn't stop there. Let me pull it up. There's video. Later Taehyung was basically doing the same trying to get me to entertain him. Instead, this time he was playing with a water bottle, not Jin's shoes, but basically this happened" Jimin showed the queued video to Jongin, continuing as the video played. "And of course there is video because he did this in public and embarrassed the shit out if me. And Taehyung is younger. "  
  
"Wow what the hell. "  
  
"Yea so I unload all of this on Namjoon and Jin hyung. And they're speechless. Like either, they're clueless at how shitty they've been treating me or they just expected me to just deal with it and accept it. Either way, they didn't care to actually pay attention to how I feel. And apparently, this came about because they held a group meeting behind my back to talk about me and how I'm a problem. "  
  
"Woowww"  
  
"Yea and like the reason I first started pulling away was Namjoon. He yelled at me after I tripped on stage. Telling me I needed to practice more. He said we need to be consistent and trying wasn't enough. But then today he was saying that they talked without me because I'm never home! And I just got so mad. I'm at the studio so much because I'm never enough for them and I need to practice and I practice much longer than anyone else, even if I'm doing better than half of them, they expect more from me. And like if Hoseok has been in the studio for 3 quarters or even half of the time I normally spend they tell him he needs to rest and that he's doing well. "  
  
"You wanna join exo? "  
  
"Ha, I wish. Then I would at least know where I stand. They all act as if they care right until they're lecturing me or they're embarrassing me in front of all of the fans or poking at my insecurities. At least you guys are all on the same page. I feel like bts ripped my page out of the book and stuck it beside the book, not touching. "  
  
"Hey, Minnie... At least this happened so you guys can get there. You'll be able to figure it all out once and for all. Then you can just relax. "  
  
"Yea I guess. "  
  
"And stop practicing so much. You really do not need it. I look like a tots ballet dancer compared to you. And just like you said, you're better than half, if not all of them."  
  
"You think so? "  
  
"Yea totally. You dance like it's two full-time jobs. Let's actually do the math on this. "  
  
"Hyung... "  
  
"7 days by 24 hours is 168 hours. You dance 80 hours, so 88 hours left. If you sleep 8 hours each night then you have 32 hours left. If you spent 1 hour per day on food prep and eating you get 25 hours. Getting to and from your studio is another at least 4 and a half so you have 20.5 now you have to shower every day you practice so another 3 and a half with going to a shower plus shower time so 17 and now you take away about two hours a day of vocal practice or recording and you have 3 hours per week. " Jongin punched these numbers into his phone calculator as he went. "I haven't even included breaks for going to the washroom or getting ready for bed or your skincare routine. So let's assume that comes out of your sleep time so you're only sleeping 7 hours and you still have only 3 hours per week for yourself. That's less than half an hour per day to just sit down and think. "  
  
"I... I didn't really think about it... "  
  
"That's why you have me. And what your hyungs are supposed to do. " Jongin scooted closer to the younger. "I and the other guys are here for you. If you find the guys lacking again, we'll step in where we can. And if anyone one from Exo is here you're welcome to stay here if you need. "  
  
Jimin hesitated for a moment before pushing his way into a hug from the elder boy. "Thank you hyung" Jimin whispered into Jongin's neck as he felt tears start to pull at his eyes.  
  
  
  
"Of course kiddo" Jongin whispered as he wrapped his arms around the younger


	2. He Left

Hoseok startled awake as he heard a drawer slam shut on the other side of the room. He peeked up to see Jimin throwing stuff into a bag. The younger took a moment to glance at his phone and Hoseok was about to speak up when Jimin zipped the bag and stormed out. He got up quickly and followed Jimin to the living room, where Namjoon and Jin were still waiting.

"I'm going to a friend's for the night. I'll text Sejin-hyung the address on the way. I don't have any schedules for a few days and the friend is an idol so I can borrow their practice studios. "

"Which friend's? " Namjoon asked concerned.

"I didn't say for a reason hyung. I need space. And like I said earlier you guys never give that to me. Sejin hyung will know where I am. " Jimin spoke sharply. "Feel free to tell the others what I said. Not like you would've kept it to yourselves though."

Hoseok was about to scold the younger for talking so rudely when Seokjin caught his eye and shook his head. Quickly the younger stormed off and slammed the front door behind him.

"What the hell was that? " Hoseok asked incredulously.

"Hoseok-ah not now... " Namjoon groaned rubbing his face.

"You're letting him disrespect you guys like that and just leave? "

"Yes... " Namjoon sighed "Shit... Hyung what do we do? "

Hoseok watched confused as their leader looked up at Jin desperately.

"I don't know... Was... Was all that true? I.. I know the stuff about me was... " Jin spoke, concern obvious in his voice.

"I don't... Is he really in the studio that much? How did we not notice? " Namjoon sighed.

Seokjin turns to Hoseok for a moment "Hobi-yah, how long does Jimin spend in the studio? "

"Huh? What why? " Hoseok looked between them.

"He... He told us when there are no promotions he spends 80 hours a week in the studio... " Jin spoke solemnly.

"There's no way. " Hoseok shook his head.

"Think about it, when does he leave for the studio? " Namjoon asked, rushing to get the words out, nearly stumbling on them.

"7 ish... Then we have music lessons and recording from 1-3... Then he eats and goes back to the studio. " Hoseok said slowly, starting to do the math in his own head.

"He doesn't come back home until at least 9... That's more than 10 hours most days... " Namjoon spoke shakily. "Shit. Is he eating enough? Is he sleeping? When is he -"

"Hey, Joonie if you freak out we can't solve this, yea? " Jin spoke calmly.

"He... He always checks in on me... At 6 he comes into my studio... To get me to rest... I know we agreed to that kind of thing for me but... I've never done that for him... " Hoseok spoke softly.

"We fucked up... We all let him down... " Namjoon said gravely. "I let him down. "

"I was worse. I just... Hoseok, wake up the kids we need an emergency meeting. "

~~~~~~~

It took a while for everyone to get settled down in their living room. Yoongi looking pissed off at being awake made a sharp contrast to Namjoons worried pacing.

Once everyone had settled in Namjoon sighed and spoke "We need to talk about Jimin. "

"Fuck Joon I thought we had, why are we talking in the middle of the night, where is he anyway?" Yoongi grumbled.

"I don't know where he is. " Namjoon spoke quietly. The rest of the group sat up fully awake.

"What is he okay? " Taehyung asked

"I'll call him now" Jungkook pulled out his phone.

"No, Kook don't call him... Just... Fuck where do I start... He came home. And me and Jin tried to talk to him like was the plan and... Long story short we fucked up. All of us."

"What do you mean we fucked up? He's the one pulling away for no reason. " Yoongi spoke frustrated and confused

"Except there is a reason. We've been making him feel like he doesn't matter to us... That we don't give a shit about him. " Namjoon sighed collapsing finally into a chair.

"It was really bad... It's been... Him snapping that way was a long time coming I think... " Jin spoke. "A lot of it though... Recently though was some of us especially... "

"What happened? " Yoongi asked

"ISAC... And I think that Run episode filming... " Jin sighed. "Where I basically called him a fat pig in front of all of our staff and now soon our fans. "

"That was a game! " Jungkook spoke up

"Exactly... It was just a game and I picked one... A few of his biggest insecurities and pressed hard... " Jin whispered guiltily.

"What about ISAC? " Yoongi asked cautiously.

"He... He was hurting that day... Looking back I can see that... And me and... And Tae... Kept bugging him and bugging him until he snapped and then we got angry and embarrassed him instead of apologizing. " Jin answered again.

"Wait what did Tae do? " Hoseok looked over to the younger.

Taehyung looked somewhat shell shocked as his thoughts sped with the events of that day. "I... I pinned him to the ground and spanked him in public... All over a fucking water bottle... I'm an idiot"

"No, you're not Tae... None of us realized what was going on. " Yoongi whispered softly, reaching his arm to rub circles in Tae's back.

"But yea so basically... I tried to tell him that we thought he was pulling away and needed to put more effort into the dynamic and he snapped. Brought up all of that and that he... He's always been the one who comforts everyone first before himself and we haven't been that for him. " Seokjin looked over to Taehyung, whose eyes had begun watering.

"He- he left! Why? Why didn't he stay to fix this? " Jungkook asked, obviously looking hurt.

"One of the... issues... That he brought up, was personal space. He said that we don't give him any. That's why he didn't tell me where he went... " Namjoon looked down at his knees again.

"You really don't know?? " Yoongi asked concerned.

"He told us that he was going to an idol friend's place and that he would tell Sejin. Kid even said that he would practice there if he needed... As if he doesn't spend 80 hours a week in the studio if he can.. " Namjoon sighed

"WHAT?" Jungkook jumped up shocked. "80?! But... We always pull Hobi-hyung... "

"Yea... Basically, we supremely fucked up and then blamed him for pulling away. He doesn't believe we care about him... " Seokjin spoke. "He... He said he's learning to be okay with that... And that we need to all decide how we're going to treat him."

"So we have a chance to fix this still. He doesn't completely think we don't care about him, or at least he thinks we used to. We can get back there! " Yoongi stood up, determined.

"Yea but we can't just smother him... We need to pay attention this time. Really look at how we affect him yea? " Namjoon spoke, the rest of the group nodding.

"When's he coming back? " Taehyung asked timidly.

"We don't know TaeTae, at least for schedules. He wouldn't hurt us on purpose Like that. At least I hope he hasn't gotten there yet. " Namjoon answered softly, seeing how shaken this was making the boy.

"He said he would tell Sejin where he is. " Hoseok spoke up.

"Then we should ask him and go-"

"No, Kookie. That won't help. " Yoongi stopped him "He, the little caring shit, told them he was going and that he'd be at a friend's and there would be a studio and that he was telling Sejin where he'd be. He, instead of letting us worry, made sure we knew he'd be safe and that if there was an emergency that someone knew where to find him. But he didn't want us to go. "

"I'm worried anyway. " Seokjin admitted. "Not if he's safe, but if he's okay... "

"We'll fix this. " Namjoon spoke, finally breaking the silence. "We have to. "

Namjoon's phone cut the silence, ringing with an unfamiliar number on the display. Quickly Namjoon jumped to answer it.

"Hello? Jimin?" Namjoon asked concern bleeding into his tone.

"Namjoon-ah, it's Taemin" The voice spoke.

"Ah, hyung, hi" Namjoon spoke sheepishly.

"I actually did call about Jiminie," Taemin spoke lowly.

"Oh? Is he with you? Is he okay?" Namjoon asked leaning forward into the phone.

"Actually, I'm in Japan. But he's okay," Taemin replied calmly.

"How do you know?" Namjoon asked, his concern bleeding into his voice.

"He messaged a groupchat I'm in. Figured the kids wouldn't think to tell you where he went."

"Uh... actually he told us enough... Said he was telling our manager the address."

"Ahhh. So he finally snapped, huh?" Taemin asked surprised.

"You saw this coming?" Namjoon responded.

"The real question is how you didn't. But that doesn't matter. He's at SM. I won't tell you more since he didn't, but I figured you would be scared out of your mind since you have no clue who his friends are." Taemin spoke.

"I... thank you."

"You guys messed up. I can't fix it for you." Taemin said seriously.

"We know," Namjoon whispered.

"Don't force Jimin to come back. If he wants to spend months there, let him. But don't let him have radio silence," the elder instructed.

"Okay..."

"He works harder than anyone. For our stage, I stayed once to see when he would leave the studio. I'm not entirely convinced he ever did. I was picked up by my manager because I had a schedule the next morning. Learn to recognize that."

"Did... every-" Namjoon started.

"All of his friends? ... Yea we all noticed. Some sooner, but everyone in that chat knows."

"Oh... thanks for calling, hyung" Namjoon nodded, only realizing after a second that he wasn't visible to the other.

"Do you feel better or worse?" Taemin asked curiously.

"Both..." Namjoon admitted.

"Good. I gotta go Kid."

"Alright... Thanks again."

Taemin hung up without saying goodbye. Namjoon looked over to the group. "Do none of us really not know who Jimin is friends with?"

"Who was it?" Taehyung asked.

"SHINee Taemin... He was saying that Jimin is at a different friend's at SM. He knew I didn't have a clue... He's on tour in Canada and he thought to call and had my number and I didn't even know Jimin was still in touch with him after their collab stage."

"He was talking to Chanyeol-hyung at ISAC?" Taehyung offered

"Chanyeol is filming something right now..." Seokjin spoke.

Silence filled the room as they all realized they didn't know who else Jimin may have gone to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!  
> I finally followed an update schedule for once! I'll be posting the first 7 chapters of this work semi-regularly as well as darkening of doors. I have a few other works in background that I'm considering posting as well as some unreleased chapters of my dialogue only work series "please". Let me know which you guys want to be posted next!
> 
> 1 BTS Jihope work untitled  
> 2 Got7 Yugyeom/Jinyoung Tonight series  
> 3 BTS Taegi post-HS Idols untitled  
> 4 BTS Sope underground rapper/idol untitled  
> 5 BTS Vmin/Yoonmin Please
> 
> 2 & 5 have the most chapters ready as of now but I want to get working on another work as well. Let me know in the comments which you want me to work on!  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> **edit** so uh i messed up my timeline so I switched where Taemin was from Canada to Japan which now fits the timeline phew okay bye bye lovelies


	3. He stays

Jimin woke up, still on top of Jongin. _I must have passed out crying,_ he thought. Looking down he realized, at some point, the elder had laid them down and tucked them in.   
  
He blushed thinking about last night. He shouldn't have let himself spill all of those issues. It was his fault anyway, right? He wasn't enough and so Bangtan didn't like him. If none of them liked him or cared then it had to be him that was the issue? Slowly, Jimin sat up, trying to not wake the older. He was grabbing a fresh shirt from his bag when he heard grumbling from behind him.   
  
"Ah, Jiminnie. Where are you going?" Jongin spoke through a raspy, sleep filled voice.   
  
"Getting dressed, hyung. I've been too much of a burden." Jimin whispered.   
  
Jongin rubbed his eyes grabbing his phone to check the time. "Yah, Jimin it's not even 7 am," Jongin spoke frowning. "Come back to bed and get some sleep."   
  
"I-I've slept enough"   
  
"You barely got here at 1, Minnie. Come back to bed. Get a full 8 hours at least before you go back" Jongin put his phone back down and beckoned Jimin to the bed. "It's not a burden, I promise."   
  
"You sure?"   
  
"Of course, you're so cuddly and warm, you could never be a burden." Jongin smiled. "If anything, I would worry if you don't."   
  
"Alright... " Jimin looked down sheepishly.   
  
Slowly he crawled back into the small bed, only to be pulled against Jongin's chest.   
  
"I wish I could've done more before it got to this. I wish I could've protected you from this pain" Jongin whispered after a moment. "I'm sorry I wasn't there"   
  
"Hyung... "   
  
"I'll be there where they weren't from now on, okay?" he whispered, looking up at the ceiling.   
  
"Okay" Jimin whispered back.   
  
~~~~~~~   
  
Jimin spent a week at the EXO dorms before he had an unavoidable schedule with BigHit and BTS. Jimin had to borrow one of Jongin's outfits as he ran out of his own clean clothes and the washers in their dorms had broken. Jimin was packing the last of his things while Jongin watched from the bed.   
  
"You sure you don't want me to bring you to your studio?" Jongin asked, "I really don't mind."   
  
"I'm sure hyung. And I'll wash your clothes and return them soon." Jimin assured   
  
"Keep them, they look better on you."   
  
"The neckline is way too big on me hyung."   
  
"It's Sexy" he smirked. "Besides, it will remind them that you were here."   
  
"Hyung.." Jimin blushed.   
  
"Here wear this with it." Jongin handed him a blazer.   
  
"Isn't it a bit much?" Jimin asked putting it on and looking in the mirror against the wall.   
  
"Not with you, you look suave!" Jongin smiled standing up to adjust the shoulders. "You look great." He smiled over Jimin's shoulder.   
  
"Thanks." Jimin blushes.   
  
"Now you go and knock em dead. Don't let them just apologize and pretend everything is good. And you're welcome back anytime." Jongin said, turning Jimin to face him. "And walk in there like the king you are. They should beg for your forgiveness."   
  
"I... Is it okay if I come back here right after the schedule?" Jimin asked nervously.   
  
"Of course! I have nothing today so I'll be here. Just tell the security at the front you'll be coming back and they'll let you in. They've seen you enough to remember you're with me."   
  
"Thank you hyung."   
  
"Though maybe bring some clean clothes? I know you like your own things"   
  
Jongin spoke.   
  
"Okay." Jimin smiled. "I'll see you tonight then."   
  
"See you tonight!"   
  
~~~~~~~   
  
Jimin's trip to the bighit studio was longer and more nerve-wracking than normal. Knowing today was important for their comeback and tour plans he knew he couldn't avoid it. He had received a few texts from his members, mostly empty questions asking how he was doing and if he was going to attend group practice that day. He had only sent one reply, and really it had been Jongin's message. He sent to the now dead groupchat that he wouldn't be attending anything until today. That had only gotten about 10 replies asking how he was and who he was with.   
  
He walked through the building's front door and nodded to the secretary. He fixed his hair in the reflection of the polished stone beside the elevator when he heard a soft gasp. He turned to see Jungkook and Taehyung stood staring at him.   
  
"Uhh... Hi?" He spoke, trying his best to sound disinterested instead of nervous.   
  
"Hyung, you came," Jungkook spoke.   
  
"I said I would."   
  
"Does this mean you're coming home?" Taehyung asked softly   
  
"Maybe." He spoke. He knew he wasn't but he didn't want to give in so easily. "At least for a bit." The elevator dinged behind him. He turned and got on. "You coming?" He spoke when the two younger singers didn't enter.   
  
The two scrambled to get on the elevator. The ride was awkward, to say the least. Taehyung and Jungkook kept looking between each other, speaking in some non-verbal language Jimin didn't know. The elevator dinged at the floor with offices, and Jimin quickly exited, walking down the hall to the familiar meeting room. He walked in to see the rest of the group, stopping in his place.   
  
"Hello, hyungs" he nodded politely before sitting at one of the corners.   
  
"Jimin we-" Namjoon started.   
  
"Need to talk. I get it. I'm here for the meeting. I'm still here for Bangtan."   
  
"Jimin not that," Hoseok interjected. "We did wrong. We need to apologize."   
  
"Is there a meeting today or not?" Jimin asked, nervously playing with the hem of Jongin's shirt.   
  
"We have 10 minutes.." Namjoon spoke looking at the clock in the corner of the room.   
  
"Jiminie, please listen to us. We didn't see how we were treating you and that's our fault."   
  
"Yes because you didn't care. Own up to it."   
  
"We do care, Minnie" Yoongi spoke this time.   
  
"Not like you care about each other. You pay attention to each other. You know when Hoseok is pushing himself too far, or when Yoongi or Namjoon is in a funk. You know when Kookie or Tae is lashing out because they're hurt or when Jin is distracting himself with mothering when he's too stressed. But with me there's nothing. I've gotten to know all of you and what you need when you're down but you guys still can't even see me as upset or hurting when I do the same things as you." Jimin stood up. Jungkook and Taehyung coming in as he spoke.   
  
"We know that now," Jin spoke sincerely. "We see and we can look back and see just how much we failed you. We want a chance to do better. We want to show how much we regret what we did to make you feel so alone."   
  
Jimin stood still as the words washed over him. "How do I know that this isn't just empty words? How do I know you all actually understand why I left, not just that I left. I can't."   
  
"And you'll never know if you don't give us a chance to prove it," Yoongi spoke again.   
  
"What if I don't want to give you a chance?" Jimin spoke quietly. "What if I move out and only come around for schedules?"   
  
"Then we'll show you we care about you in the little time we have like this. In the 10 minute breaks that we get backstage." Namjoon speaks up. "We know we hurt you. So we'll do whatever we can to show you we care however you'll let us."   
  
"I- I'm still gonna stay at the friend's place for a bit... I just um... I need fresh clothes." Jimin spoke looking down at the borrowed clothes. "This is all Jongin's..."   
  
"Oh... Jongin?" Taehyung questioned. "From Exo?"   
  
"Uh, yea. He's been letting me stay with him." Jimin blushed. "But um... We have a meeting in a minute. We don't have time for more of this... "   
  
"Oh, yea. Okay. But we'll talk again? "   
  
"Yea, of course. " the boys looked up hopefully. "We work together. "   
  
"Right yea. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys hope you liked it!   
> Come yell at me on twitter @MerySimBTS


	4. He Relaxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ******THIS CHAPTER IS POSSIBLY TRIGGERING AND SO IS SKIPPABLE!!!!!!!!!******
> 
>  
> 
> Contains Drinking and Sex under the influence which is enthusiastically consented to so only read if comfy!!!!!!!
> 
> Needed to know for future chapters will be in endnotes and in summary before the next chapter

It had been a few days since the meeting at bighit. Their practice schedules were picking up again as comeback approached. Things had been going well with Bangtan, the others constantly doting on Jimin, but Jimin was reluctant to trust them again. Despite everything, schedules were getting too intense for Jimin to attend while staying at the EXO dorm.

Jimin was sitting on Jongin's bed when he, abruptly asked "Hyung, can we go drinking? "

Jongin looked up at the younger from his phone. "What's the occasion? "

"My comeback is next month. I have the centre spot in the choreo, so I don't think I can stay here longer. "

"Ahh, you sure you want to go drinking? " Jongin asked, carefully examining Jimin.

"It's not to get away from the dread if you're thinking that. " Jimin looked down at Jongin. "It's my last night of freedom, so to speak. "

"What kind of bar? Home cabinet? Private? "

"Gay. "

"Ah, we haven't gone since last year, have we?"

"Yah, we went in December and it's still January. " Jimin laughed.

"That was 2016, now it's 2017" Jongin grinned.

~~~~~~~

The pair dug through the many closets in the exo dorms pulling out their outfits for their usual haunt. Jimin in one of Jongin's outfits again, leather pants and a mesh top. Jongin in Chen's mesh tank top with a red silk button down shirt hanging open over it. The pair took a cab right to the entrance which was behind the main street. There was never anyone here who wasn't going to the same club. Jongin and Jimin grinned at each other as the ran out of the cab and into the building smiling at the familiar bouncers.

As soon as they were fully past the door, the smell of the sweat and smoke and the thrum of the bass wrapped around Jimin. "I missed this place" he smiles at Jongin before pulling him down the stairs towards the music.

Jongin laughed as they got down to the main floor. "I missed how you look in this place. "

"Yah! What's that supposed to mean? "

"Happy. How sexy you dress to come here doesn't hurt. " Jongin looked Jimin up and down

"You flirt. "

"Is it flirting if it's true? "

"Yes. " Jimin deadpanned staring right at Jongin.

Then they both burst out laughing.

"Drinks! " they both cheered in sync, high fiving at their achievement.

~~~~~~~

The pair drank and danced for hours. More than once the pair got free drinks from strangers down the bar but they never left each other. They had been in the bar for about 4 hours when a familiar song filled the room.

Jimin's head snapped to Jongin "Oh my god! Is this? "

"YES. Do you wanna see the dance? "

"Oh my god, there's a dance? " Jimin gasped "Yes yes yes! "

Jongin grinned stepping slowly back into the crowd starting to mouth the lyrics, the bass of Artificial Love blocking out any words he might have actually spoken. He held Jimin in an intense gaze as he moved lithe and powerful to the beat. Jimin slowly gravitated towards him, reaching him by the chorus. Jongin's hand slid along Jimin's leg as he slid down to the floor, Jimin holding his eyes, his hand instinctively running through the older's hair. Slowly Jongin grinds against Jimin's leg before sliding back up, not quite pulling away.

"We get a cane" Jongin spoke, raspy and rough.

"Oh? " Jimin smirked. "What next? "

"We have a break, then we have partner work. " Jongin hums, stepping closer to the other dancer. "We do the chorus again and then we haven't finished. "

"You look good doing it" Jimin spoke.

"You look good watching" Jongin whispered into Jimin ear, sending small shivers down the youngers spine.

Jimin's hands found their way to Jongin's hip by the next time the chorus played. He gasped as Jongin roughly rolled his hips through the beat, into Jimin's own. Jimin's fingers tightened around the rolling hips, encouraging them to keep moving against him.

Jimin leaned forward to Jongin's ear "Somewhere more private" he growled before pushing Jongin's hips towards the hall with private rooms.

The pair stumbled through the crowd until they had rounded the corner. Jimin pushed Jongin into the wall. "How far? " Jongin growled, rolling his hips again.

"I want you to fuck me. " Jimin growled hands threading into his hair.

"Thank fuck" Jongin sighed before capturing the youngers lips with his own.

Jongin was a passionate kisser, sucking and nibbling at Jimin's lips. Jimin pulled him to the end of the hall, pushing one of the doors open, glad to see it empty except for a few pieces of furniture.

"Jiminnie, did you book this room? " Jongin smirked.

"Just got lucky, " Jimin panted, rolling his hips into Jongin

"You sure about this? " Jongin whispered. "If we do this I-"

"You've gotten under my skin, hyung. I like wearing your clothes, it makes me feel like I'm-"

"Mine" Jongin breathed, voice low and dangerous. The two stared at each other, gazes dark.

"I don't want you to be the hyung that Bangtan wasn't. I don't want them to look at me like I want you to. "

"I want to show you how you deserve to be treated, how gorgeous you are " Jongin growled. "But if we're going to forget this tomorrow I don't want this."

"I don't want to forget " Jimin whispered, pulling Jongin in roughly for a deep kiss.

The pair stumbled to the leather couch that sat at the edge of the room, teeth clashing as Jongin pulled Jimin on top of him.

"I like this view" Jongin rasped. "Much better than the last time you were in my lap."

Jimin grinned, his head leaning down to suck lightly on Jongin's neck, pulling small gasps from the elder. Slowly Jimin pushed the silk shirt off of Jongin, lips travelling lower as the shirt fell off and his hands slipped under the already revealing shirt.

Jongin let his head tip back, one hand finding its way to Jimin's ass, the other threading through Jimin's hair. They both could feel the tightness of their pants now.

"Off. " Jimin panted, pulling at the other's pants. "Now" he growled standing up and rushing to push his own borrowed pants off.

Quickly the pair were in nothing except for boxers and their see-through tops. Jongin sat back down and beckoned Jimin to his lap once again. Jimin slowly stepped towards the elder before kneeling down in front of him. Jimin let his fingers drag along Jongin's thighs, and up to the waist of his underwear.

"What are you-" Jongin began, cut off as Jimin leaned down to mouth at the now extremely visible erection. "Fuck, Min" he choked out.

Jimin grinned at Jongin. "That's the plan isn't it " he whispered, sliding down the underwear blocking him. A small hand slowly gripped Jongin, slowly pumping along the length and drawing a deep groan from him. "How quick are you? "

"I can go twice. " Jongin panted.

"Good" Jimin whispered before swallowing him down.

Jongin couldn't form words while Jimin sucked and slurped around his cock. Moans spilled out of him and his hand found its way into Jimin's hair. He gave a small tug and was rewarded with Jimin moaning around him. Jongin grinned and pulled again harder this time, and another moan came from the boy beneath him.

"Ah Jimin, that's sinful. " Jongin smirked. "You like it rough then? "

Jimin hummed and nodded slightly, not pulling off. He swallowed slowly around Jongin pushing further down the length. Jimin's eyes flutter as he fought the tensing and pain in his jaw, forcing himself to relax. Slowly he pulled back off to look up.

"If you know I like it rough why are you making me do all the work, hm? " Jimin asked, voice rough, and his lips swollen and red.

Jongin bit his lip, holding in a groan before he grabbed Jimin's hair tugging on it harshly. "Tell me what you want. "

"I want you to make me choke. " Jimin gasped, face flushing.

"Fuck, yea okay. " Jongin hisses "Open. "

Jimin felt his breath catch and quickly obeyed, relaxing his jaw and holding eye contact. Jongin slowly pressed his cock onto Jimin's tongue, Jimin moaning as it began to slide towards his throat. Jongin began rocking into Jimin's mouth, the pace increasing as he felt Jimin relax around him.

"Fuck so wet Jimin. " Jongin groaned, pulling on his hair.

Jimin moaned loudly around Jongin's length, gagging slightly around the girth. The feeling of Jongin slipping into his throat, filling him, made him pliant and needy. Jimin began roughly sucking on Jongin's shaft in time with its thrusts.

"Shit, keep going. " Jongin's head fell back, gripping blindly at Jimin's hair as he began pushing Jimin's head down to meet his thrusts. Jimin moaned around him, sending vibrations through his body, and knotting in his core. "Fuck I'm close. "

Jimin pulled back for a second. "Cum on me. " he panted. "Want you to claim me. " And as quickly as he had pulled back, Jimin's mouth was on him again.

"Fuck. Yes, you're mine" Jongin growled, thrusting roughly into Jimin for a minute before pulling him off. "Shirt off" He panted, his free hand pumping himself roughly.

Jimin rushed to pull the shirt off before replacing Jongin's hand with his own. "Cum for me. " Jimin whispered as he jerked off the elder. "Mark me, hyung" Jimin leaned over to suck on Jongin's nipples, drawing pants and gasps out of him faster and louder.

Jongin felt his entire body tighten as his orgasm shook through him. He moaned Jimin's name loudly as the younger stroked him through it, cum splattering across Jimin's bare chest. As soon as he got control of his limbs again he was pulling Jimin into a deep kiss.

"So naughty, Minnie. Letting hyung fuck your throat and paint you like that" Jongin groaned against his lips.

"Loved it" Jimin whispered back.

"Now it's your turn. " Jongin smirked, flipping their positions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEy hope you guys enjoy!!! basically shameless porn from me. I was showing my now ex boyfriend the artificial love stage when I wrote this and kinda just let it devolve. He became my ex this last weekend which is why this is late but things are better with me now so don't worry about me okay!
> 
> ~~~~Needed to know for future Chapters is Jimin and Jongin go to a gay bar then get together~~~~
> 
> Come yell at me on twitter (@MerySimBTS) and check out my upcoming twitter AU! JIKOOK competitive dancers!  
> Other than that Let me know which you guys want to be posted next!
> 
> 1 BTS Jihope work untitled  
> 2 Got7 Yugyeom/Jinyoung Tonight series  
> 3 BTS Taegi post-HS Idols untitled  
> 4 BTS Sope underground rapper/idol untitled  
> 5 BTS Vmin/Yoonmin Please


	5. He Dances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~Need to know regarding last chapter~~~~  
> Jimin and Jongin go to a gay bar and things get **heated**

Jimin woke up in a familiar bed the next morning, limbs tangled in the blankets and Jongin's limbs. Jimin smiled as he looked to the other, the memories of the previous night coming back to him, the stifled giggles and quiet kisses as the pair snuck back into the exo dorms. Jimin let his fingers lightly draw lines over the older's bare chest, pausing at the dark marks that he had left. As his fingers ran across one of the hickeys from the previous night, Jimin heard Jongin begin to grumble.

Jimin giggled looking up at Jongin's scrunched up face. "Morning" he whispered to Jongin.

"Ughhh, what time is it? " Jongin groaned.

Jimin fumbled to find his phone, grabbing it quickly. "Umm... 11?" Jimin spoke a little shocked. He hadn't slept in that late in years. Not since he started putting extra practice in.

"Ugh, I should get up then. " Jongin spoke, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He turned to Jimin, spotting his frown. "What's wrong? "

"Oh, it's nothing. Just I never sleep this late. " Jimin turned the phone screen off.

"You deserve to sleep in, every once in a while. "

"I.. Yea I do" Jimin smiled.

"But we should get up now. " Jongin sighed pulling jimin closer.

Jimin chuckles snuggling into Jongin. "This isn't getting up though"

"Five more minutes" Jongin whispered, looking down at Jimin. "Let's stay like this a little longer."

Jimin blushed at the intense gaze Jongin was giving him, nodding quickly. "I- umm... Last night. I liked it. " he whispered.

"Me too," Jongin whispered back. "I like you. And like I said last night, I don't want this to be a forgotten night. I want-"

"Jongin, will you date me? " Jimin blurted out. As he realized what he said he turned red. "I mean um, if you don't want to that's okay I just think I really like you and you're there for me and you're really hot and-"

"Only if I can call you my boyfriend," Jongin spoke smoothly before hesitating. "Not publicly of course but you know-"

"Boyfriends. " Jimin giggled "I like that. "

"Boyfriends" Jongin smiled.

Suddenly they were interrupted. "YAH, Kim Jongin, get up! You're going to miss lunch! "

"Jimin and I will be out soon, Baekie-hyung" Jongin called back.

"Jimin's still here? " Baekhyun called through the door.

"I'm going home today, hyung! " Jimin answered.

"Yah, Jongin-ah, feed your guest! " Baekhyun called before they heard footsteps trail away.

Jimin was barely holding in laughter as he saw Jongin scowl at the door. "Come on, let's get dressed. " He smiled when he finally got a hold of himself.

~~~~~~~

Jimin arrived at their group practice half an hour early. He hadn't told the group he'd be coming back so he hoped no one was going to come early as well to try to talk to him. As soon as he was in the studio, spotting that it was empty he began practicing the title choreography. He had missed too many practices with their teachers because of the feud so he needed to make sure he was still up to snuff with technique.

He was on his third run through of the pre-chorus when he heard clapping from behind him, startling him so bad that he nearly tripped. When he turned to see who it was he was glad to see it was their instructor.

"Jimin-ah, did you go to some boot camp while you were gone? That was the best run I've seen from you! " the teacher joked.

"Ah, nothing like that. "

"Well, the relaxation must have worked wonders. That or the reason you needed relaxation has helped you. So soulful. " The teacher smiled softly.

"Thank you hyung" Jimin bowed slightly. As he did he heard the practice room doors open and all the members piled in, joking around.

"Yah, you guys are here practicing with me for weeks, while Jimin is away but when he comes back he's improved and you haven't? Jimin-ah you should take vacations more so I can focus on these guys"

Jimin chuckled nervously as the rest of the group spotted him "Hyung, you give me too much credit. "

"Nonsense. Anyway, you guys had individual practice earlier. Let's get right into the dancing then hm? "

Jimin felt eyes on him the entire practice, each of the other members took a turn making huge mistakes that Jimin was starting to get annoyed by considering they were almost surely because the boys were too distracted staring at him. After one too many mistakes, their teacher snapped and made them take a break.

Jimin sat in the corner on his phone, not really doing anything but wanting to look as if he was. He was sitting for only a minute or so when Yoongi came over to him.

"Hey Jiminie" Yoongi spoke, trying to sound calm but Jimin could see how nervous he was.

"I don't bite hyung. What's up?" jimin looked up expectantly.

"Here." Yoongi held out a water bottle to him.

"Huh? "

"You didn't grab one. Stay hydrated okay? "

"Don't need it. " Jimin said stubbornly.

"Your forehead is red. " Yoongi said.

"So? " Jimin replied confused.

"Your forehead goes red when you haven't kept hydrated. " Yoongi spoke.

"Oh..."

"Take it. " Yoongi spoke turning his head.

Jimin chuckled grabbing the water bottle. "Even when he's trying to show he cares he can't look at me"

Yoongi's head snapped to Jimin. "It's not that-"

"Calm down hyung. I'm teasing. Thank you" jimin smiled.

"Do you mind if I?" Yoongi asked awkwardly gesturing to the spot next to him.

"It's okay hyung you can sit. " Jimin smiled slightly. Yoongi was always who Jimin felt closest to in Bangtan truly. While Yoongi wasn't necessarily more warm than the others, he was distant from all of them to an extent so it always felt that Jimin wasn't so different in his eyes.

"You're in a good mood today. " Yoongi started cautiously.

"Could say that" Jimin smiled looking down at the shirt that wasn't his.

"So uh, are you coming back? " Yoongi asked carefully.

"Yeah, I am. Promotions are coming up. Hobi-hyung is going to need help tutoring you and the hyungs. " Jimin answered. He felt a little guilty for putting that wall up but he didn't want to keep lying to himself and the others anymore.

"Ah... Yea. "

"Kookie can probably help this year. He's gotten really good at the choreo even though he was making mistakes today. " Jimin spoke. The younger was always one to work hard, no matter what was going on in his head.

"True, I think we were all making mistakes today." Yoongi admitted.

"You were all distracted. I get it but you guys would all preach consistency. "

"Yea we were kinda really bad at looking at ourselves for flaws. At least constructively. "

Jimin took a breath for a second. He'd been considering how to broach the topic. MAybe it was easier to just ask one of them... "Hyung... Can I ask you something? "

"Of course. " Yoongi answered, turning his full attention towards Jimin.

"Do you think it would be too much if me and Kookie swapped beds for a bit? Just while I get used to living with you guys again? "

Yoongi froze for a moment before taking a shallow breath. "Um... If that would make you more comfortable I'm sure that would be okay. Or Hoseok could stay with one of us... He's been doing that since you left. " He answered carefully.

"Whichever is easiest." Jimin spoke. The last thing he wanted to do a week before come back was to throw the group off.

"We want to make sure you're comfortable coming back. I was just surprised at the question. If you wanna be with your stuff and in your bed, we can make it work. " Yoongi assured.

"Will you talk to the others for me? I was going to stay a bit later to practice my solo parts because I barely practiced while I was gone." Jimin asked softly.

"It really doesn't show. You've been amazing today. Really. " Yoongi leaned towards the younger.

"Thanks, hyung. Still, Jongin wouldn't let me practice unless he was in a group practice with his group. I shouldn't be too long. Just long enough for you guys to talk and figure things out. "

"You're really coming back? " Yoongi asked softly.

"That's the plan. Jongin was great but even he agrees that none of this is going to get better if I avoid you guys forever. " Jimin sighed. "He's going to bring my stuff back home tonight. He offered because he made me sleep in. "

"Ah okay." Yoongi leaned back.

"Yea. Oh, hyung is back. " Jimin spoke noticing their teacher come back into the room signalling the end of their break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> Updates for this may slow a little bit! I will still be posting weekly but it will be mostly other works for a little while.
> 
> the reason for this is because I have only one extra chapter finished for this work now. I want to keep at least one finished chapter complete until I'm done the work and I have a bunch of other works that have chapters ready to be formatted for posting.
> 
> I'll be posting a poll on my Twitter for you guys to vote on what I should update next! The poll will be open for about a week!  
> You can vote there or comment below!  
> 1 Got7 jingyeom  
> 2 BTS/Block B Darkening of doors  
> 3 BTS Please series  
> 4 Yuri on Ice When one door closes


	6. He goes home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!!!IMPORTANT!!!!!!!  
> there is a reference in this chapter to mass violence+homophobia. nothing is stated outright. segment mentioning is skippable please only read if you are comfortable!  
> starts at "He said once that you didn't seem the clubbing type." Jimin recalled.  
> ends at ~~~~~~~
> 
>  
> 
> next line is what it references please only read if comfortable
> 
> It references the pulse nightclub shooting

The second half of practice had gone smoother. Jimin suspected the others seeing him talking with Yoongi had helped them concentrate. He spent an hour running through his solo track before he decided to head to the dorms. The group practice had ended late because of all the mistakes in the first half of their practice. As he was packing up to leave, his phone began to ring with a familiar name on the display.

Quickly Jimin picked up the phone. "Ah, hi Jongie" Jimin chirped into the phone.

"Hey Minnie, you done with your practice?" Jongin asked.

"Yea am about to leave. You free to come over?"

"I was going to leave but figured you might not be home yet. Wait for me in the lobby of your dorms? I'll be a little longer than you probably but not by much. "

"Okay! I'll see you soon then? "

"Yup! See you"

The pair hung up and headed to the BTS dorms. Jongin was right saying he would be longer, but Jimin was only waiting two minutes before Jongin pulled up in a cab.

"Thanks for bringing all this. " Jimin smiled.

"I don't mind, I promise. "

"It's going to be weird sleeping here again. I've got a room to myself for a bit though. "

"Oh? " Jongin asked raising his eyebrows suggestively.

" Not for that" Jimin blushed. "I asked Yoongi-hyung earlier and he said they would figure out me either being in Kookie's room or Hobi-hyung moving to a different room for a week or so. I don't know which yet. "

"Ah, you sure you're okay to be here again? I don't mind you living in my bed " Jongin whispered.

"Hey, you're the one who said I should still come back today."

"I know, just going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too... Hey, you wanna come up for a bit?" Jimin asked timidly.

"Would that be alright? "

"We don't have any public schedules until comeback. No reason I can't look tired tomorrow. " Jimin smirked, grabbing Jongin's hand.

"Alright then. "

Jimin led them into the elevator of the building, nodding at the security officers by the doors. Once in the elevator, Jimin threaded their fingers together, his thumb softly stroking the back of Jongin's hand. When they stepped out of the elevator, they nearly bumped into Hoseok.

"Ah hyung, where are you going? " Jimin asked.

"Jiminie, you weren't answering messages," Hoseok spoke, slightly red in the face.

"Oh, sorry. Were you going to come to get me?" Jimin asked confused.

"Uh... Yea I was," he answered slowly

"Sorry, I left the studio almost half an hour ago now." Jimin rubbed his neck awkwardly.

"What happened to the messages? " Hobi asked carefully.

"I um... I muted notifications from you guys. I'll unmute you guys now. " Jimin blushed.

"It's okay, we just..."

Jongin frowned. "Finally noticed how much time Jiminie spends in the studio? "

"Yea... " Hoseok trailed off.

"Thanks for noticing this time. " Jimin whispered. "Um, Jongin came with my stuff. "

"Oh yea, let's get that inside. I'm gonna stay with Jin-hyung so you can have your room. He has a bigger bed than everyone else anyway," Hoseok explained.

"Oh okay." Jimin nods, before leading Jongin down the hall. "Come on let's put my stuff away."

As the pair entered the apartment style dorm, all the eyes turned to them. For a moment there was awkward silence before Jimin spoke up again.

"Sorry for not replying to you guys. Um... Jongin is here for a little bit, he's probably not staying the night but he might. " Jimin spoke before pulling Jongin down the hall to his room.

Once they got into the younger's bedroom, Jongin let out a burst of laughter. "I feel like a teenager whose boyfriend's parents don't approve"

"What? Why? " Jimin turned to Jongin with a pout.

"The way they looked at me. Not contempt or anything, just like, caution I guess. " Jongin shrugged.

"That's not really fair. "

"I don't mind. I see it more that... I remind them they messed up. You said they sounded surprised when you told them it was me that you were staying with. If they didn't know we were even friends, you having stayed with me that long then bringing me here reminds them just how out of touch they got. " Jongin explained stepping closer to Jimin

"Still they shouldn't make you uncomfortable because of all that. " Jimin looked down slightly.

"Hey, it's alright. Promise. " Jongin spoke softly, his hand lightly brushing Jimin's cheek

"You sure? " Jimin looked up at Jongin.

Jongin leaned down to press a soft kiss onto Jimin's lips. "I'm sure. "

Jimin smiled up at him for a moment, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Thanks for coming"

"Anything to help you that I can do, I'll do it, " he whispered softly, holding Jimin with the same care that was in his words.

Jinin took one hand from Jongin's waist and pulled him down into a deep kiss. It was different from the ones they shared last night, what's was rushed and rough now slow and soft. Instead of need, affection and thanks drove this kiss.

The moment only lasted a few seconds before there was a cough at the door. The two froze then jumped apart, turning to see who it was.

"Ah Namjoon hyung, what's up? " Jimin asked awkwardly.

"Did you umm... Did you guys eat? Jin-hyung was gonna cook. Last time he thinks before schedules start to keep us late. " Namjoon spoke, not quite looking at either of them.

"Oh, I didn't. Did you? " Jongin shook his head. "Cool, um tell hyung we'll both be eating then? "

"Yea, sure. Um hi, Jongin right? " Namjoon asked nervously.

"Yea," Jongin nodded

"Oh okay. Um, anything I should know? " Namjoon spoke looking between them.

"I'm dating Jongin. It's new, you didn't somehow miss me having a boyfriend, don't worry. " Jimin deadpanned.

"Ah, alright it's just... " Namjoon trailed off.

"Just? " Jimin stared blankly at Namjoon, feeling irritation rise in him.

"I didn't know you were... " Namjoon didn't finish again.

"Gay? Is that going to be weird with me and not Yoongi-hyung? " Jimin asked frustrated.

"No not at all I just..." Namjoon stepped back flustered.

"I wasn't subtle. And I think I even said to hyung when he came out to all of us that he wasn't the only one in the group. " Jimin shook his head. _How could they not notice something so big?_

"Yea I um. Sorry I didn't clue in. " Namjoon fidgeted awkwardly in the doorway.

"I'm not really mad. " Jimin spoke before turning. "Anyway, tell hyung me and Jongin are eating. We have to unpack my stuff. "

"Yea alright. " Namjoon nodded stepping back from the door. "Um, it shouldn't be too long. We'll call if you're not out yet. "

"Bye hyung. " Jimin turned to his bags and started unpacking them.

"It's, um, good to see you back. " Namjoon spoke before walking down the hall.

"Hey, you alright? " Jongin asked once Namjoon was down the hall.

"Yea just kinda... He was just so surprised. I wasn't hiding it or anything." Jimin sighed.

"Yea that kinda is surprising. I think Taeminnie hyung figured it out after 10 minutes." Jongin chuckled.

"Well he also has way too good Gay-Dar. He could tell you were gay from a fancam." Jimin smiled softly at the memory.

"True. But still." Jongin looked at him sympathetically.

"I think Yoongi at least knows, or suspects." Jimin spoke pulling his dirty clothes out of the duffle.

"Isn't Jungkook? " Jongin sat, perching on the small desk.

"He's not out yet, I don't know if he's fully realized it yet either. " Jimin shrugged as he dropped the laundry in his arms into his hamper.

"Ah. So you guys haven't talked about it," Jongin stated.

"I didn't think I needed to," Jimin replied.

"Hey, it'll all be alright. They look guilty as all hell so I trust they'll try. " Jongin said with a small smile.

"Yea, but knowing they feel bad doesn't fix everything. They still cared less about me. And even if you don't want to put it that way, they put less care into our relationship. " Jimin pulled his closet open shoving the duffle in.

Jongin looked at him carefully. "I'm not going to defend them, but for your sake... Let them try. You don't have to give them anything, just don't put energy into stopping them from trying. "

"I'm not. " Jimin looked up at Jongin.

"You were. And maybe you still need space but... Eventually. I know how it feels to not trust some of my members, but I can't imagine what it would be like if I had no one." Jongin spoke reaching a hand out to Jimin, recognizing he was finished handling the duffle.

Jimin gladly took his hand, moving to stand in front of Jongin. "Hey, I'll be alright. You know I will. And now I have you. Maybe not on tour, but I'll know you're there for me. "

"I want you to have more than me. You deserve to have a good relationship with the people you live with and will travel with." Jongin smiled sadly.

Jimin softly cupped Jongin's cheek in his free hand. "Thank you. Really. "

"For what, it's the truth. " Jongin gazed into Jimin's eyes for a long moment before Jimin leaned down to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Come on, let's go see when foods gonna be ready. " Jimin smiled when they parted.

Jimin led Jongin down the hall back to the living room where the rest of BTS was waiting.

"Hey, um I was in a rush to get settled back in. I didn't introduce you guys properly. This is my boyfriend, EXO's Kai, but you guys should probably call him Jongin. "

"Boyfriend? " Jin asked surprised.

"Yea, I guess I never properly came out to you all. I'm pansexual. Like Yoongi-hyung. "

"Oh, okay. " Hoseok nodded. "Um, no sex in my bed? "

"Too late" Jongin teased.

"Wait, what? ".

"He's joking! Don't worry, you get used to it. But um, yea, all my friends from the other groups are Gay so don't worry about another idol leaking this. "

"Jimin we weren't thinking that. We just are kinda surprised. " Namjoon spoke

"Right. " Jimin spoke.

"Well um, hi. Feel free to speak informally to me. If I'm dating one of your members we should be at least familiar. " Jongin smiled nervously.

"Well don't just stand, feel free to sit." Jin smiled from the kitchen.

"Only Yoongi-hyung bites" Jungkook tried to joke.

Jongin chuckled and pulled Jimin to the empty armchair. "I guess we'll just have to sit here away from him then. No offence, Yoongi-hyung."

Yoongi nodded blankly. "I kinda knew Minnie wasn't the straightest, but I'm still a little surprised you guys are dating"

"Yea, how did you two meet?" Jin asked curiously.

"Taeminnie-hyung collected us. He's kinda a gay mom." Jimin smiled.

"Huh?" Jin spoke confused. "He's gay?"

"Yea all of our group is. And Taemin always approaches you so sinister, it's scary." Jongin shuddered comically, drawing a chuckle from Jimin.

"Yea with me he came up behind me at a show and slid this cryptic note saying "I know." I was super freaked out until I actually talked to him later." Jimin recalled.

"His gaydar is impeccable. Figured Jimin out the same day they first met. Figured out me from fancams. It's unfair really." Jongin looked over to Yoongi.

"He came up to me once but didn't say anything." Yoongi spoke.

"He said once that you didn't seem the clubbing type." Jimin recalled.

"We go to clubs all the time?" Yoongi spoke, confused.

"Have you ever been to Taw's?" Jongin asked

"Huh? What?" Yoongi looked between the two.

"It's a different type of club. Gay. Also, to get in you have to know the dress code which you aren't allowed to publish anywhere or it changes." Jimin spoke.

"Huh why?" Yoongi asked, confused for a new reason.

"Signalling hyung. Can't use pink triangles or rainbows anymore. Too obvious." Jimin explained.

"Oh. " Yoongi's face changed to realization.

"Yea. It's not on google maps either, you need to know where it is." Jongin added.

"Is that because...?" Yoongi started slowly.

"Yea. Only bring people you trust and who know the rules," Jongin answered.

"Hyung why ?" Kookie asked.

"It's hard to talk about Kook. Something happened in America over the summer. It was really bad for the gay community." Jimin turned to the younger singer.

"Oh... I think I remember when that happened... You and Yoongi were upset for a while after festa. No one would tell me why though." Jungkook spoke softly.

"Yea. I- I had wanted to skip out on the rest of festa but knew I couldn't." Jimin spoke as Jongin rubbed his side softly.

"I still wish I'd gone to a vigil" Yoongi spoke softly.

"On the anniversary we're going to have one," Jongin spoke. "We all had to miss because publicity, but we were going to all get on a video call together and have a thing. You should join us."

~~~~~~~

Food went smoothly. Jongin was a blessing. He deflected any invasive questions and kept the conversation flowing smoothly. Jimin thinks about how he would handle this first night back if it hadn't been for Jongin and he finds himself unsure of how he would have handled this tension with anything other than avoidance. Jimin smiled up at his boyfriend thankful once Hoseok and Namjoon stand to clean up after dinner. He lets himself relax into the older's side until Jin looks between him and their leader in the kitchen one too many times.

"What's wrong Jin-hyung?" Jimin asks nonchalantly.

"Well um. We were thinking that maybe you Namjoon and I should debrief and uh get on the same page and talk about what has happened." Jin spoke eyes darting towards the kitchen.

"Hyung... You're treating this like it's something broken that you need to fix for business." Jimin spoke, removing emotion from his voice.

"That's not it. It's that me and Namjoon know we of all people failed you and so we want to actually put, y'know, effort into making sure we don't keep failing you. We're serious about caring about you."

"It doesn't feel like it..."

"We know. Jiminie we all know that now. But we want to change that."

"You guys-"

"Minnie, let them try." Jongin whispered. "Remember, you promised me that you would."

"I know I said that but- I..."

"Hey, I know. I just also know that fighting them on this is making you feel worse."

Jin watched nervously as Jimin looked between him and Jongin.

"Okay Jin-hyung. Let's talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!!  
> I have a little bit of bad and good news  
> bad news is I won't be updating this work for at least 3 weeks  
> It will not be on permanent hiatus!!!! I'm in the process of writing more chapters but I want to have at least 3 chapters finished if I'm updating this weekly 
> 
> good news is that in that time I'll still be active!!!  
> I will be focusing on my please series as you guys chose on my twitter, which you guys can find at the bottom of the note, and I have some works that i'm "picking" at with short chapters like 4 o'clock and when one door closes so check those out!!!!
> 
> come yell at me on twitter! @MerySimBTS  
> you can also comment down below with feedback or what works you want updated!! I read every comment since I don't get too many soo let me know what yall want
> 
> (Edit: yall i forgot to add a chapter title *cries* edited to add)


	7. He Talks

Jimin sits fiddling with his fingers waiting as the dishes clang in the sink, making awkward eye contact with Yoongi and Seokjin. Jin looked shocked when he had realized that Jongin was the one to convince Jimin to give them a chance, sending Jongin a look of thanks that wasn't acknowledged. Taehyung and Jungkook had gone into the kitchen to help Namjoon and Hoseok finish the dishes so that they could all sit down before Jimin changed his mind. Jimin had no clue what was going to happen when the four returned but he wasn't sure if he was ready. A few times he would move to go stand up from his spot at the table, but Jongin would simply tighten his hold on Jimin's hip and send him a reassuring glance.   
  
This pattern repeated for about 10 more minutes before Jimin heard the tap shut off and slowly the clanking of dishes being put away stopped. Jimin stiffened, looking over to the kitchen to see Namjoon and Hoseok heading back to the table.   
  
"Um, hey so I guess me and the kids should..." Hoseok trailed off.   
  
"Sit," Jimin spoke up.   
  
"Uh, you sure?" Jin asked carefully   
  
"This is an everyone issue and so everyone should be here. Picking favourites is part of how we got here right? Let everyone hear everything." Jimin spoke.   
  
"That's true. Alright." Namjoon nodded going to sit. "They're just drying what didn't fit in the drainer."   
  
Jimin nodded, turning to Jongin. "If you want you can..."   
  
"Do you want me here?" Jongin asked softly. Jimin nodded slightly. "Then I'll stay, if you guys don't mind. Which you shouldn't, considering I know basically everything." He spoke firmly turning to stare down the rest of the members.   
  
"We- We just want to make Jimin comfortable." Jin stuttered slightly at Jongin's change in demeanour.   
  
Jongin nodded. Jimin bit his lip nervously as the last two sat at the table. Jimin took a deep breath before speaking up. "Where do you guys want to start? "   
  
"Well... I guess from the beginning? We don't know when this all started right?" Namjoon spoke.   
  
"Well I mean it started before debut if you're going into it..."   
  
"Jiminie..." Yoongi whispered.   
  
"I never really felt like I was part of the group, like the rest of you guys... I never really convinced myself I was good enough to be part of the team. I pushed myself hard and dieted more than you guys to try to lose my baby fat because I never felt as attractive as you all."   
  
"You are a crucial part of the team, Jimin-ah" Yoongi said.   
  
"At this point, I know that logically but emotionally, y'know, it never really went away. And still, I never felt like I connected personally to you guys."   
  
"We-"   
  
"I know you guys didn't feel the same, but there were things that I know none of you guys picked up on because I saw you guys reacting to others doing the same."   
  
"Like with practice times?" Hoseok asked quietly, silent guilt pulling at the edge of his words.   
  
"That's a big one... but Yoongi-hyung losing weight versus when I dropped 5 kilos in two weeks, or Jungkook being short and locking himself in his room compared to me at ISAC. You notice changes in each other that you don't notice when it comes to me."   
  
"You never said anything..." Jungkook huffed, obviously mad at himself, not at Jimin's words.   
  
"I know Kook, and that's honestly because I never thought you would all believe me or care enough to change if I did. For the longest time, I tried so hard to be there for you all, whenever you were suffering. I tried to be there for Kook when he was homesick or when Tae didn't have the energy to speak up to everyone for a day or when Yoongi-hyung would shut himself in his studio writing or when Hoseok-hyung spent too long in the dance rooms. I tried to be there so much that you guys would want to be there for me back but you guys never did."   
  
"We never?" Tae asked horrified.   
  
"No... I would spend 80 hours in the studio in a week and not have anyone knock on the door. I would lose weight or gain weight really quickly and all that I would hear were jokes about being fluffy again... I did speak up about my body issues but you guys would still make jokes about my height or body at public or live events and I could never speak up in the moment to say anything without being unprofessional and when things were over you would all be tired or closed off or be bouncing off the walls and not ready to talk about anything serious and eventually it would feel like it was too long from the conversation to bring it up. I could never bring myself to bring it up to you guys and you never made me feel like I could go to you with concerns like that without any judgement..."   
  
Namjoon looked up. "You can't put this all on us! If you had just talked to us we wouldn't be here!"   
  
Jimin inhaled sharply. "I di-"   
  
"You ran away. You cut us off! You can't resent us for not talking it through when you wouldn't goddamn communicate. You can't blame us for all of this!"   
  
"You think that's seriously what's happening?! " Jongin cut in "After all of this? "   
  
"You aren't a part of this group Jongin, you don't know everything here. "   
  
"Yeah, I don't. But I still know a hell of a lot more about this than you and you're yelling at him when this was supposed to be for getting on the same page! "   
  
"You shouldn't even be here right now!"   
  
"Well, I'm glad I am! How can you not see that this entire time Jimin said nothing isn't because he didn't want to? How can you not see that it's because he didn't think you would care?! How can you stand there yelling at him when he has been so broken up over the idea that he's not good enough for you guys and that him not being good enough to be cared for is the reason you guys push him away! "   
  
"Hyung... " Jimin whined pulling on Jongin's hand, "You don't have to... " Anxious tears started to well at the corner of his eyes.   
  
Jongin turned to Jimin, his face softening as he looked into the younger's eyes. "Minnie, I want to. I want to defend you because you've been putting up with it for so long."   
  
"It's okay..."   
  
"No, it's not, Minnie. How Namjoon is treating you is not okay. You get to be upset," Jongin whispered.   
  
Behind the two Namjoon stood frozen. He hadn't meant to snap. He realized that Jongin was right. Jongin, despite how little Namjoon knew about his relationship with Jimin, knew more than he could imagine about how jimin worked. When they had first walked in together he thought that they didn't match. That Jongin was wrong for Jimin. And maybe even if he was right, he had no place to say it. Not when Jongin picked up on Jimin's insecurities like he had just a second ago. Namjoons first thought at hearing Jimin whine was _embarrassment._ He had figured Jongin standing in his place was embarrassing for the younger in a sense that it made him a damsel in distress. The minute Jongin responded to him though he realized what he had heard was guilt. He could tell now Jimin didn't think he was worth defending. Namjoons heart broke a million times over as he heard Jongin quietly reassure the dancer.   
  
Horror struck through him as his words that had sprung Jongin into action played through his head. "Fuck Jimin. I'm sorry. Jongin's right, I was way out of line," he spoke looking around the room.   
  
_Gaslighting_. The words he had spoken to Jimin was purely gaslighting. He hadn't let himself pull out of his intentions long enough to realize and admit just how much he had hurt Jimin.   
  
Yoongi caught his eyes and another cold realization washed over him. All of the other members sat watching him with wide eyes. He had snapped angrily. Fuck.   
  
"Namjoon I think you should take a walk," Yoongi spoke up. His eyes hard as he kept his gaze. "Now. "   
  
Namjoon could only nod at his hyung as he left the apartment.   
  
Once Namjoon had left, the tension was replaced with awkwardness. Jimin sat with his gaze down, Jongin's arm around him protectively. Jongin's eyes drifted between the rest of the group, practically daring another of them to speak out as Namjoon had.   
  
Yoongi took a hesitant breath before he spoke up. "Jimin-ah, I think I can safely say the rest of the group disagrees with what Namjoon said. Maybe if you had felt more comfortable talking to us this could've been resolved faster but the whole issue here is that we let it happen. We let it get so bad that you couldn't come to us the way we come to you. "   
  
Jongin's eyes softened slightly as he spoke, but he hadn't moved from his protective stance beside Jimin. Jongin made no move to speak so Yoongi continued.   
  
"I know, for sure, that Namjoon regrets what he said but I know just hearing that isn't going to be enough anymore. We all do. Namjoon is terrible at some things and problems he can't just solve with his brain are one of them. You know he can be really dumb for such a smartass right? " Yoongi joked softly, hearing a small cut off chuckle from Jimin. "He wants this to be fixed and he doesn't want to be the reason you're hurting and he just connected that badly. But he's been fighting so hard to figure out the right way, even if it doesn't show. "   
  
"T-thanks Yoongi Hyung, " Jimin finally spoke up. "I mean logically I know that... "   
  
"It's okay that it still hurts. I would be surprised if you weren't hurt by that. He was an ass and I know the moment he realized exactly how he said it he knew that too." Yoongi assured, "do you want to keep talking tonight or do you want to put this on hold?"   
  
Jimin sat there for a moment before speaking up. What did he want? "I don't know... It feels weird to do this without Namjoon-hyung but also we're getting really close to comeback so can we really put it off?"   
  
"None of us can judge you if you want to talk to us without Namjoon after how he just reacted. He crossed a line and you get to want to talk about stuff without him because of that, it's not picking favourites," Yoongi spoke reassuringly. "And we can put it off until tomorrow, but you're right that we can't keep putting it off. Soon there won't be the time to talk things out, or the energy to sit down like you deserve."   
  
"I... I think I want to talk a bit more..." Jimin fiddled with his shirt sleeves as he spoke. "It wasn't just the jokes too..."   
  
"What do you mean, Minnie?" Taehyung asked.   
  
"That I didn't speak up about... I had a lot of anxieties and self-image issues... I still do... But I never talked to you guys about them... I came to you guys and listened when you were having hard times but I never had you guys come up to me and ask me how things were going or how I was feeling or just coming to me after I messed up on stage and being there for me... When Kookie messed up I would go with him and comfort him and you guys all relied on me to do the same for you or to be the one who would go and be there for one of you guys but there wasn't anyone doing that for me... All I got when I messed up or had a bad day was that I should practice harder or just empty space. I kinda just thought that if I was a better friend to you guys that you would pick up on stuff... If I was there for you more you guys would see that I was worth your time and you would start to be there for me but in December I kinda gave up."   
  
"What happened in December?" Jungkook asked shyly.   
  
"Joon-hyung lectured me after a concert because I messed up on stage. I just figured that I had been trying so long and it wasn't working because you guys obviously wouldn't have suggested it if you knew how long I was practicing, or you guys just didn't care and either way it was you guys not paying attention or caring about me like you did each other so I just decided to learn to accept it, and I started to just stop reaching out. I started avoiding you guys after ISAC because it was just too much."   
  
"I'm so sorry Jimin-ah, I should have realized. I was tired and stressed and I wasn't fair or kind to you..." Jin spoke up.   
  
"Thanks..." Jimin whispered unsure how else to respond. "I just... I thought it was obvious that I was hurting and that I wanted space and it was just so public and I couldn't really understand how you guys could act that way in public if you had any clue what I had been going through and I just shut down... Maybe I should have yelled or fought back and said something like Hyung said but I just couldn't see you taking me seriously."   
  
"For future's sake, we will take you seriously. We want what's going to make us all at our best and if we're not helping you or we're making things hard on you and not noticing we want you to call us out." Hoseok spoke up "I know it's not going to undo the past but we can change going forward and it would be insensitive to say that we'll notice everything from now on because honestly, we've missed so much in the past that we can't say it's all clear now."   
  
"But we're going to try. We can see more now and we should've before you were this hurt but we see it now. And we're going to see more and we want to show you that you can come to us whenever you need," Yoongi spoke. "But also you need space because like you said before we've been bad at personal space. So I think we should talk about how much you're comfortable with... but like I want to make sure you're not just telling us how to care about you and us doing things ourselves."   
  
"O-okay" Jimin spoke. He cursed inwardly as he felt himself tearing up. "This all has been um... a really good start? I think the personal space bit is more a thing of you guys cornering me for stuff not about me when I'm upset... Like most recent example is kinda like you guys coming to me about group dynamic tension instead of concern about me personally? So maybe less about personal space..."   
  
"Well that's fair, and like it's like you want personal space from other issues when you don't have the energy to deal with stuff?" Jin spoke up nervously.   
  
"Yea.. but like... It kinda sounds selfish... but if you guys are there to talk about my issues and help solve it then it's different." Jimin focused on the thumbs as he spoke.   
  
Yoongi moved to where Jimin was sitting and knelt down to Jimin's eye level. "It's not selfish. There's a term for that, my therapist taught me. She told me that it's what people call the spoon theory, you want me to explain it?" Yoongi spoke softly to Jimin   
  
"S-sure..." Jimin felt a tear fall, cursing himself again. "Sorry I'm not crying because..."   
  
"It's overwhelming?" Yoongi asked softly. Jimin nodded wiping the tear. "I get it, that's why I cried at MAMA. But the spoon theory... Basically, you have a set amount of spoons every day, some people have more some have less, and each thing you do or handle takes up spoons. Showering takes spoons, eating takes spoons, talking to people takes spoons. Some things take more or less spoons. And insecurity or anxiety or problems with other people can take a lot. So when you're having a bad day you have fewer spoons to handle the big things. So on days where you don't have a lot of spoons, you can't handle some things but you can do others."   
  
"Y-yeah that makes a lot of sense..." Jimin looked up at him, pulling on his sleeves. "So when I have... less spoons, I can't be as useful or as involved I guess in other things, but if you guys are helping me that's not using my spoons?"   
  
"Yeah, that's the basics. And if we don't have the spoons either then things are probably not gonna go the greatest because we don't have that understanding of when you don't have them, but we'll try to learn when you don't have spoons and how to help you out then, that sound good?"   
  
"Yeah, it.. It really does..." Jimin spoke looking over to Jongin.   
  
"I think that's a lot of good, but also a lot, guys," Jongin spoke softly, recognizing the exhaustion on Jimin's face. "Maybe that's good for tonight and continue later, yeah?"   
  
Yoongi looked to Jongin about to protest but when he saw the soft smile on Jongin's face he could tell that things were going to be okay until the next time they got to talk. He stood and looked back to the others and nodded at them as well. "Yeah, it's a good start. Not everything but hopefully next time all of us can be here."   
  
"I'll go call Namjoon and get him to come home," Jin spoke before walking to his room.   
  
Yoongi looked to Jongin for a moment before he spoke up. "You're welcome to stay the night, Jongin-ah. I'm sure Namjoon will be fine with it."   
  
"You sure?" Jimin asked quietly.   
  
"Of course. He knows how much Jongin is there for you even if he hasn't fully processed it. He means well, and honestly I think he just wants to will it so that we know you best but he knows that's not true especially after tonight." Yoongi spoke honestly. "If Jongin won't be missed by his members and you would be more comfortable tonight with him then he's more than welcome."   
  
Jimin looked to the other members still in the room and saw them all nodding at Yoongi's words. He turned to Jongin, "Do you guys have anything tomorrow?"   
  
"Not until after you have schedules. I'll be fine to stay the night if you want me." Jongin smiled softly.   
  
"Stay?" Jimin whispered softly.   
  
"Of course." Jongin pressed a soft kiss to Jimin's forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back!!!
> 
> I moved out of my old res and into new res for the summer and I have less classes so hopefully I can keep up!
> 
> If you missed, from now on I'll be updating this work every other week and a different thing in the gap weeks. I also am still active on Twitter so come yell at me [@MerySimBTS](http://www.twitter.com/MerySimBTS)
> 
> Thanks for sticking around while I caught up to myself!! Also I highly recommend my other work, I like them though might be a little biased


	8. He Stops Taking Bullshit

Things were going well. 

 

Well... As well as he could hope.

 

Jimin still hadn't had a full conversation with Namjoon since he returned to the dorms. He'd been slowly becoming more comfortable around the rest of the group but Jimin got the feeling that their leader had been avoiding him. 

 

The avoidance confused Jimin since everyone seemed to agree that Jimin was the one who had been wronged and he'd been wronged by Namjoon. He had expected after everything that Namjoon would try to at least apologize. But no, Namjoon hadn't been able to do even that. Jimin simply accepted that once it got to the day before their comeback was set. 

 

Jimin found himself on good terms with Hoseok, Tae and Jungkook by their comeback and he had told Hoseok to come and sleep in his own bed until they went off on their tour to the elder's shock. At first, Hoseok rushed to protest saying it was no problem for him to stay with Jin until they went abroad but when Jimin smiled and assured him that the room felt empty without him Hoseok had wrapped him in a tight hug mumbling a mix of thanks and apologies for everything that had happened. 

 

It was now weeks after their comeback and they were on a plane to South America to start their tour abroad. Jimin had hoped that he and Namjoon would have talked before then but while the avoidance had been less obvious it was still there. If he and Jimin were alone together for more than a minute, the leader would make some sort of excuse and leave the room or bring someone else into the room so they were no longer alone. 

 

Jimin figured that if Namjoon hadn't come up to Jimin then that was his answer from the rapper. Dealing with the situation that he had so clearly explained and was assured was had been relayed was too much of a struggle for Namjoon that it outweighed how much Namjoon cared for Jimin. Don't get him wrong, there's been a lot of progress and it's gotten to the point where deep down Jimin now knows that his group cares for him, but still to have their  _ leader _ unable to put himself aside and deal with the issue spoke volumes to Jimin. 

 

The dancer waited for his payment for the shitty airplane wifi to load so he could message Jongin, who was finishing filming then getting ready for his own concert in Malaysia. He hadn't been able to see his boyfriend in person for weeks as he'd been down the Han river filming a drama but at the same time, he was proud of him. Jongin always wanted to do anything and everything and to see him so happy acting made him happy. 

 

Right before Jongin left, Taemin and the rest of the group held a party as the three idols were all about to go away. Jimin wasn't sure if he should tell the rest of the guys that he and Jongin were together and Jongin agreed that he wouldn't say anything until Jimin did. That agreement proved unnecessary when as soon as Jimin arrived and made eye contact with Jongin they heard a  _ way  _ over exaggerated and dramatic gasp from Taemin.

 

_ "I smell some gay tea," Taemin said with a grin. _

 

_ "Hyung how the hell he just got here." Jongin shook his head. _

 

_ "Wait what's new?" Sungwoon looked between them confused. _

 

_ "I was right! Jongin-ah did you finally grow balls and ask Jimin out?!" Taemin grinned. _

 

_ "Actually..." Jimin started, looking back to Jongin. "I asked him out." _

 

_ "No way!" Wonsik shouted. "You ALL have to pay up." _

 

_ There was a collective groan from the group as they all reached for their wallets. _

 

_ "You guys really bet on us?" Jimin deadpanned. "And why was Wonsik-hyung the only one who thought it would be me?!" _

 

Jimin smiled as he recalled the bickering that ensued at the news and that smile turned into a grin as he remembered the cheers and hollers when he and Jongin were caught making out in a corner after the night had devolved into drunk shenanigans.

 

"What's on your mind, Chimchim?" 

 

Jimin looked up to see Taehyung with a small smile on his face too. "Ah, just when the guys found out about me and Jongin."

 

"Oh yea, you saw them right after we had Gocheok, right?" Tae asked.

 

"Yea, Taemin-hyung is going on tour to North American now and Jongin is filming a drama right now then has to go back on tour and so things as far as seeing each other go is hard. But we were all free and home for a few days so it worked out." Jimin shrugged.

 

"Ah, I know you miss him," Tae said

 

"Yea... Yea I do," Jimin admitted.

 

"When do you think you can see him next?" he asked

 

"Well, we talk and video call almost every day," Jimin said pulling at his sleeves.

 

"In person? It's really different in person."

 

"I... I won't get to see him until probably April." Jimin sighed as he admitted what he was hoping to avoid. He hated not being able to see Jongin in person even before they were together, but since Jimin had gone back to the BTS dorms they barely were able to see each other and now they were both going on tour.

 

"You guys can't meet before then?" Tae asked innocently.

 

"No.. He's filming until the 17th then has to go to Malaysia for a concert and then we have tour dates almost back to back so we're not going to have any downtime until then to be able to see him so yeah..." Jimin looked down and fiddled with his phone.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry Jiminie." Taehyung wrapped one of his arms around Jimin with a sympathetic look on his face. "Well, he understands the demand like we do so I don't think it will be an issue besides missing each other, right?"

 

"Yeah... Namjoon and I still haven't talked and I was hoping that would have happened while we were in the same timezone... Not that you guys haven't been amazing it's just that..."

 

"He was the one there for you for all of it, I get it." Tae nodded. "But if it does go badly, I hope you know that all of us will help you get whatever comfort or space that you need."

 

"Yea, thanks Taetae" Jimin smiled at Taehyung before his phone vibrated a few times in his hand. He looked down to find a few messages on his phone. "Ah my wifi connected, I was going to maybe video chat Jongin"

 

"Ah well don't let me stop you." Taehyung grinned before ruffling Jimin's hair and turning to his own phone.

 

~~~~~~~

 

After they landed they spent a few hours collecting their bags and getting from the airport to their hotel prior to their show. Jimin sat in shotgun as he had been doing since the whole drama. The guys gave him that extra space and while he enjoyed it at times, others he would have rathered be in the back where all the jokes were flying. On trips like this where everyone was tired from a day of travel Jimin was happy to use the kindness so he could comfortably take a nap. 

 

Jimin quickly dozed off and woke to gentle shakes and Hoseok's voice.

 

"Jimin-ah, we're here. Sejin-hyung is checking us in." Hoseok whispered when he spotted the younger had opened his eyes.

 

"Who's choosing room assignments?"

 

"Sejin-hyung, but we can swap around if it will make you more comfortable," Hoseok said. 

 

"I'll be fine with whoever as long as nothing comes up." Jimin shrugged.

 

The pair walked out of the van and to the lobby where Sejin was handing out keys.

 

"The hotel isn't so big so we got 3 rooms like old times so it's 2-3-2," Sejin said looking to the boys. "Yoongi and Hoseok you guys are together. Jin you're with our trouble makers Jungkookie and Taehyungie."

 

Jimin did the math in his head and turned to look at their leader. "So that means me and Namjoon-hyung."

 

"Yup, all good?" Sejin looked between Jimin and Namjoon suspiciously.

 

Namjoon moved to speak but Jimin decided to speak first. "All good, right hyung?"

 

Namjoon simply nodded before taking one of the keys from their manager.

  
  


~~~~~~~

 

Jimin and Namjoon spent a while unpacking their toiletries and clothes for the next day before they both took showers to wash the grime of travel off of them. The entire time barely a sentence passed between them. When Jimin stepped out of the shower, having taken the second turn he spotted Namjoon already in sleep clothes and laying in bed on his phone. Jimin eyed him while he changed into his own sleep clothes and climbed into his own bed after plugging in his phone charger.

 

He sent a few updates to Jongin and a goodnight text before moving on to scrolling through Twitter and Instagram. The photos of them at the airport had taken over almost all of his feeds. As he scrolled and scrolled he kept eyeing Namjoon, neither of them having turned off their bedside light.

 

He sighed. Of course, Namjoon wouldn't take this opportunity to talk about shit so Jimin was going to have to do it all, yet again. He put his phone down and looked over at his hyung hoping that Namjoon would look up and at least be the one to start the conversation.

 

"Why are you avoiding me? Why haven't you spoken to me since everything?" Jimin said after a while, fed up with the silence.

 

Namjoon sat up surprised, before looking down and twiddling with his thumbs. "I... I didn't want to upset you by forcing you to be around me.."

 

"Did you ever think to, I don't know, maybe apologize? So we could possibly move forward?" Jimin asked sitting up.

 

"I... Jiminie, I have no right to ask for your forgiveness..." Namjoon spoke quietly.

 

Jimin scoffed in annoyance. "You don't get it. "

 

"What?" Namjoon sounded perplexed.

 

"After everything you don't get it. You haven't figured it out or else you would understand how bullshit that is, hyung." Jimin stood up frustrated that this was happening in a hotel in Chile instead of a month ago in their dorms.

 

"I- What do you mean?"

 

Jimin shook his head and walked over to where he had left his laptop. "If you think  _ apologizing _ isn't worth it because you don't think you deserve forgiveness then you're still only thinking about you. Apologies are for making the other person feel better. Not absolving you of guilt. I don't need to forgive and forget to move forward." 

 

"You don't?"

 

Jimin crouched down beside the bed he had initially claimed as his own, grabbing his phone charger. "No. I need to know that you're going to at least  _ try _ to not let it happen again. " Jimin stood up "I'm going to switch with Yoongi-hyung and room with Hoseok-hyung tonight. I'll come to get dressed and stuff here in the morning so don't worry about my stuff."

 

"Jimin I-" Namjoon started.

 

"No. I already talked to Hoseok and he said switching would be fine if anything came up. So I switching. Yoongi-hyung probably won't be asleep yet what with song deadlines for next album." Jimin spoke as he walked to the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow after we've slept. okay, hyung?"

 

Jimin saw Namjoon nod as he walked out the door shaking his head as he went to the room just down the hall and knocked.

 

After a minute the door opened. "Minnie?" Hoseok answered the door, his voice thick with exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm probably gonna change the chapter title at some point but I got like 4 hours of sleep and I am on a writing roll so I don't want to spend hours thinking of a better name and lose my train of thought so enjoy! 
> 
> ALSO MAD THANKS FOR 2K HITS LIKE WHAT 
> 
> Come yell at me on Twitter [ @MerySimBTS](http://Twitter.com/MerySimBTS)


	9. Chapter 9

"Minnie?" Hoseok answered the door, his voice thick with exhaustion.

 

"I can't stay with Joon-hyung. Not tonight." Jimin said.

 

"Uh, okay. Do you mind if I'm the one who goes?" Hoseok asked unsure, his eyes flicking back into the room. 

 

"No.. why?" Jimin replied curiously. 

 

"I was talking to hyung earlier and apparently right before we left Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon-ah had a fight. He didn't want to get into it."

 

"It's fine, I just can't be in that room tonight," Jimin spoke pushing past Hoseok into the room.

 

"Jimin-ah?" Yoongi looked up once Jimin was in the main area of the room.

 

"Hobi-hyung and I are switching." Jimin plugged in his phone ignoring the softly whispered conversation from his two hyungs behind him. He guessed it was just the standard concern. 

 

"I'll be heading over then," Hoseok said after a moment.

 

"Hobi he'll be fine, I'll be here." Yoongi shook his head with a soft smile. Hoseok chuckled but nodded at that and made his way out.

 

"What were you guys talking about?" Jimin asked.

 

"You, kid. He's worried." Yoongi shrugged flipping through the apps on his phone. 

 

"I mean I'm doing a lot better." 

 

"Yeah, but if Joon is gonna stay on his bullshit and mess things up more then it's gonna hurt you. We all know that" Yoongi looked up at him 

 

"I mean yeah... But it's different from in the past," Jimin said sheepishly. 

 

"Is it? If he's doing the same shit and then when he's not he's just not communicating." 

 

"It is. Because this time I know I have the rest of you guys." Jimin looked up at Yoongi. "Yeah shit isn't perfect still but I can see you guys trying now and it makes a huge difference. I'm not alone, he's just being a dick"

 

"I'm sorry that this is still happening, Minnie"

 

"It's not your fault.." Jimin shrugged before eyeing him carefully. "Hey, Hobi-hyung mentioned you had a fight with Joon-hyung too. Wanna talk about it?"

 

"I mean.. Uhhh... It was mostly about this. I snapped at him for always making me come into a room with you two and stuff. He's not handling it even  _ badly _ , he's just avoiding it."

 

"It really bothers you that much?" Jimin asked, surprised. 

 

"Of course, Minnie. We all care about you... I care about you."

 

"Yeah, but why are you doing this now?" Jimin suddenly felt vulnerable and looking at Yoongi he guessed his hyung was feeling the same. Yoongi looked at him with something Jimin couldn't name in his eyes for a moment. Then he took a breath and spoke. 

 

"When you left- When you left, all I could think about was running out our door looking for you. I could only think about whether or not you were safe and how badly we all fucked up. But I also knew that running to you would make it worse and that's what was worst. Knowing that we couldn't fix it. That we couldn't be there for you," Yoongi spoke, his voice wavering.

 

"Why didn't you care before I left?" Jimin spoke quietly.

 

"I did. Just not in the way you needed. I didn't give you back the same effort or energy but I'm doing that now. I will do it now. We'll fix this"

 

"I... Thank you hyung..."

 

Yoongi stood and moved to the foot of Jimin's bed, sitting down in front of him. "Before all of this happened I spent a lot of time questioning where the boundary between us was and spent all this time in my head talking myself out of doing what was probably  _ right _ , because I thought I had  _ no _ right. I thought to myself that I'm too much older or we don't have much to bond together over and so Tae or Kookie or Hobi would be the person who could be there for you and I talked myself into accepting that. I know now that I shouldn't have let such arbitrary ideas keep me from being a good hyung and a good friend to you."

 

"Hyung you don't have to-"

 

"I want to, if you want to hear it." Jimin eyed him carefully before nodding for him to continue. "I didn't want to push my impressions of you possibly being gay like me onto you if you weren't. Especially since we weren't out yet, I was scared to run that risk and I kinda let that idea of, "I feel like I can possibly share things with you but if I share too much it could break us" get too powerful in my head. And I got scared. And because of all that I didn't show you that I cared about you at all because I didn't want all the rest to come falling out."

 

Jimin stared in shock for a moment before he finally took the breath he had forgotten to take."I... I didn't realize that..."

 

"You never could have since I didn't even show you after 5 years that I cared about you, even as a friend..." Yoongi shrugged. "My end though, I've dealt with it. It doesn't matter anymore. I just felt like you deserved the truth and that I was ready to share it."

 

Jimin put his hand over Yoongi's hand and held it loosely before starting. "I... I'm sorry I never approached you either. I was just stuck in that mentality that since I came in last that I was always going to be the outsider and that if you guys wanted me included you guys would include me... I think what we've all kinda realized is that everyone was just trying not to push each other and it kinda just ended up bad."

 

The two sat in silence, letting what had just been said sit in. It was about a minute or so before Yoongi broke that with,"You really are doing a lot better aren't you?"

 

Jimin thought about it for a moment, "Yeah, I know not a whole lot has changed but really it's the perception that needed to be changed all around. I needed to learn to recognize things a certain way and so did you guys and I think we've all made a lot of progress there. Well, all of us except Namjoon-hyung."

 

"I'm happy for you, Jiminie. I'm so happy you found people who cared for you the way you needed when we weren't. And I'm so happy for you now that you're standing up for yourself with us and letting us try again. And that you're also slowly needing us less for validation." Yoongi took his second hand and grabbed Jimin's free hand as he spoke. "We want to be people you can turn to but you're looking happier and freer than you ever have while I've known you. That you're happy and becoming happier makes us all happy. "

 

"Thank you hyung," Jimin whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> shorter chapter this week since I went two weeks in a row and also because I didn't want to muddy this scene with other events and plot so yeah
> 
> there's a thing I don't exactly say that I hope you guys get because it adds another layer to this whole mess and it's important for understanding what I'm trying to get across with writing this.
> 
> anygays  
> come yell at me on Twitter [ @MerySimBTS ](http://www.twitter.com/merysimbts)


	10. His Best Friend

Jimin woke up the next morning to find the second bed of the room empty. He grabbed around for his phone and found a text that read  _ I'm talking to Joon-ah I'll see you at rehearsal _ . Jimin sighed and sat up, collecting the few things he brought and made the trek to the hotel room where he now expected half of his bandmates to be waiting.

 

He walked down the hall, much more relaxed than when he made the trip the night before, admiring some of the framed paintings on his way. He liked when the hotels they were in had unique art hung up and would normally spend part of his downtime just wandering the halls as if it were an art gallery. He used this habit as a means to stall. The longer he thought about talking to namjoon again, the more reluctant he was to actually go, instead of having Yoongi or Hoseok bring him a fresh set of clothes from his bag. He might have actually caved but he had told Namjoon that he'd be back. He held some small hope that once he got back Namjoon would finally have figured everything out and everything would be solved, but he knew at this point that was wishful thinking.

 

After wandering slowly for about 15 minutes Jimin found himself standing in front of the hotel room. He took a deep breath and opened the door, finding it unlocked as he expected. As he walked in he heard some arguing, too quiet for him to hear. Slowly he walked towards the bedroom area, the conversation getting louder.

 

"You know what  _ fine.  _ What  _ did _ you say to him?"

 

"Well, he asked why I hadn't apologized so I told him the truth. That I didn't deserve to ask for forgiveness and that I had been trying to leave him alone because I didn't think he'd want to be around me."

 

"You're a fucking idiot. How the fuck after everything is that your logic?"

 

"Hyung calm down you know he's trying!"

 

"No. After the issue was literally that we don't try to show him how we care and that we do how can you think avoiding him is the right choice? He literally told us and told you that he didn't think we cared enough to be by his side and you're proving him fucking right because you can't think for two seconds about him. You're thinking about you Namjoon. You still are."

 

"I was thinking that  _ he _ didn't want to be around me!"

 

"No, you were thinking about how  _ you  _ would cause problems. Not about how he was feeling. Just like with apologizing. You were thinking about what  _ you _ get from apologizing not what  _ he  _ gets. And Namjoon I get that. I get how that can be the instinct. But he literally told all of us how those choices were making him feel. He literally told us that he wanted us to care about him when he was down and having problems and that he wanted us to help lighten that burden sometimes. You haven't been listening to  _ him _ from the start."

 

Jimin chose then to make his presence known. "I mean, it's not like I'm not used to that by now," Jimin spoke up as he walked into the room and to his bags. "Hyung, don't fight with him over this. Either he gets it or he doesn't and you can't yell at him until he does." Jimin crouched down and grabbed a fresh outfit and walked over to the ensuite where he had left his toiletries.

 

"Jiminie- I- When did you get here?"

 

"Does it matter? I have the gist." Jimin shrugged. "I'm gonna shower and get dressed, can you guys go to your suite if you're gonna yell?" He said nonchalantly. 

 

"Jimin wait"

 

"Yes, hyung?"

 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything and avoiding you and not apologizing until now."

 

Jimin turned to look at Namjoon. "Thanks. But you know it's not enough right?"

 

"I-"

 

"You can't just say back to me what I told you and expect it to be done now."

 

"I know. I know and I'm going to do better. It might be slow but I promise I'm  _ trying _ Jimin-ah. I'm really trying."

 

"The problem is that I can't see it. The whole issue here like Yoongi said was me not being feeling seen. I need to see an effort. Maybe you're trying to rework your logic pattern or whatever when it comes to me but you have to actually try things to make sure the new logic works. Because, hyung, I would rather see really shitty and slow progress than none at this point." Jimin turns before Namjoon can respond and shuts the door, quickly turning on the shower to leave no room for the conversation to continue.

 

~~~~~~~

 

The next few days went alright considering the tension between Jimin and Namjoon. Jimin had realized that he really didn't have the spoons (thanks Yoongi-hyung for putting it into words) to deal with their leader alone right now, so it was Jimin's turn to avoid Namjoon for a little while. When they had moved on to Brazil, Jimin made sure he wasn't with Namjoon again but he hated making such a fuss and having to swap rooms so when they were finally leaving South America he felt a wave of relief. The flight wasn't especially long but it had been close to 10 hours already and Jimin was ready to get off the plane.

 

He was fiddling with his phone when it went off.  _ When do you land babe? _ Was written across the screen under a single heart emoji. He smiled to himself remembering how Jongin had made him change his contact name to that while they were on a video call.

 

_ Probably in 30 minutes  _

_ Have to shut off phone in a second _

 

_ I miss you Minnie _

 

_ Isn't it like 4am for you? _

 

_ Does that mean you don't miss me? _

 

_ Baaaaaabe ofc I miss you  _

_ I wish I could see you sooner than april _

 

_ I do too babe _

 

_ I have to go :( _

 

_ I'll see you soon okay? _

 

_ Okay _

_ And get some sleep  _

 

Jimin smiled to himself as he shut off his phone.

 

"Was that Jongin-hyung?" Tae asked leaning over the armrest between his and Jimin's seats.

 

"Since when was he hyung to you?" Jimin eyed him suspiciously.

 

Tae paused for half a moment before starting, "We talked a bit before we left and he said that we should be familiar. That it would be easier that way."

 

"You still called him sunbae though."

 

"Yea it was weird to adjust because he'd been a sunbae for 4 years, y'know."

 

"I guess" Jimin smiled. Don't get him wrong, Taehyung was his best friend in Bangtan so he was glad that he got along with Jongin. He guessed he's just still not used to the idea that his bandmates even know that he hangs out with his friends, let alone them interacting.

 

Tae smiled at him as the stewardesses came around telling them they were preparing to land. "Besides, I need to get along with my best friend's boyfriend."

 

Jimin froze for a second. "I- I'm your best friend?"

 

Taehyung's smile faltered "Of course you are"

 

"Not Kookie? Or one of your hwarang hyungs?"

 

"Jiminie... I know I was not the greatest at knowing what you needed... But you are always someone I know I can trust and you know me better than anyone else. I know I might not be your best friend considering everything but... I want to get to where you can trust me like I can trust you."

 

Jimin felt his heart well up at the other's words. He thought for a moment before he realized that he could trust Tae. Through everything, he thinks that Taehyung was the person who hurt him most. Not because Taehyung had been the worst of them, but the opposite. He had been the one he was closest to in Bangtan for the longest time and he was the only one who he ever considered truly wanted him there. It had been Taehyung who had hurt him the most because, in Jimin's self-loathing and self-hate, he convinced himself that all of the things Taehyung had been for him was a lie. He had brushed off every huge moment with his friend using small missteps as reasons and excuses. At that moment, Jimin took a breath and finally realized something that had been under his nose the entire time.

 

"Tae... You're my best friend too," Jimin breathed out, tears falling involuntarily.

 

"Chim I-"

 

"No, you've been there for so much and I- I never let you be there for me because I c-onvinced myself I wasn't your best friend over stupid shit when I wouldn't talk to you and I'm sorry" Jimin sputtered, sobs choking any more words that he could say.

 

Taehyung moved to hug him, ignoring the concerned glances from the other members who turned at the sound of Jimin crying. "Don't apologize, Jiminie. I know maybe it seems stupid now but we weren't what you needed and it's okay that it hurt you," Tae whispered. "I know we hurt you and we weren't there when you needed us. If I could go back and fix it I would. But the important part now is the future."

 

They hugged for a while as the plane landed, Jimin's crying slowing down the closer they got to land. "S-sorry Taetae," Jimin whispered, pulling back after his sobbing stopped. "I do trust you. I have always trusted you. I just never wanted to be a burden and I was scared that you would see it like that... I know it doesn't exactly sound like trust but- It doesn't sound great but I always thought you would listen to me and be there even if you resented me for it because I know you're good but I just"

 

"I know. I get it. You don't have to explain." Tae smiled softly at Jimin. 

 

"Everything okay?" Yoongi asked, having appeared in the aisle behind Jimin.

 

Jimin startled slightly turning to their hyung with a smile. "Y-yeah, everything is great."

 

Yoongi looked confused for a moment, "Minnie you're crying"

 

"Good tears, hyung. Sometimes it all has to come crashing out y'know." Jimin looked to Taehyung as he spoke, the two wearing matching smiles.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Jimin and Taehyung walked off of the plane joking and laughing, finally sliding into what they had before everything had blown up, except better. Both of them were relaxed and gave in to the teasing and the playfulness completely. Jimin felt breathless for a moment after Tae had jabbed him in the ribs, yet all he could think was that he finally felt at home.

 

They made their way through customs and a security checkpoint, which took longer than normal as two of their staff were selected for random searches. They made their way through the inside of the airport into a back room to wait for their staff and for airport security to finish setting up out front so they could have a clear path through the fans and into the waiting cars.

 

The airport security had stopped in to tell them that they were ready and waiting for them to move before the staff had returned so they waited a while longer. While they waited Jimin shot off a quick  _ hey I landed, wanna call when I'm at hotel? _ to Jongin but had no response. He frowned figuring that Jongin had finally caved and gone to sleep. Being in America was nice. He could see all of his fans and the fun streets that he could wander with less restriction and try new foods. But he was on the other side of the world from Jongin. They were thousands of kilometres apart and 14 time zones away. Calling would be hard but late nights would be early mornings for the other, they could make it work. Jimin felt a pang of sadness as he looked down at his phone to see no reply.

 

After about half an hour, the delayed staff came into the room, apologizing profusely. Taehyung stopped them before they could continue though. "Don't worry about it. We're still waiting on one anyway."

 

"Huh? Who are we waiting for?" Jimin furrowed his eyebrows scanning the room. He counted heads and everyone seemed to be accounted for.

 

"Someone is coming to meet us. They weren't able to come until now." Taehyung explained with a smile.

 

"Oh." Jimin nodded, sitting in a chair waiting, playing some phone game.

 

They were waiting for about 10 more minutes when Jimin's phone pinged with a text notification. Quickly he opened his messaging app, his mouth falling open at the message. He shot standing up and spun around.

 

_ Look behind you babe _

 

Jimin knew he was crying. His vision turned blurry and his face felt hot and cold from the flush and the coolness of the tears.

 

"Hey," Jongin spoke with a smile. 

 

And that's all it took. Jimin couldn't stop himself from running at his boyfriend and launching into his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so if you were wondering where I've been recently I started a Twitter au so that's interesting
> 
> I've been in therapy and that's been good and they think writing can be good for me but I should also try to finish things so here I am!
> 
> I think this work is almost over, I only see it being 12 or 13 chapters for this one and it's making me sad because I love this story but also excited because there are so many other works that I want to write and being able to finish this work will mean a lot for me personally because of how tied in to my own experience writing this has been. I might write a sequel for yoongi at some point but not soon. I'm going to focus on darkening of doors next and then who knows but I'm happy to share this journey with you guys
> 
> ahh enough from me haha
> 
> come yell at me on twitter [@MerySimBTS](http://www.twitter.com/merysimbts)


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